The fact that names are gendered is so weird if you think about it. You’re assigning genders to vibrations that come out of a hole in your face.
perseiids asked:
27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
The fact that names are gendered is so weird if you think about it. You’re assigning genders to vibrations that come out of a hole in your face.
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#i need to sleep #shitpostingShitposting is like abstract modern art. What is shitposting? How do we define it? How do you be a successful shitposter? These are life’s greatest questions.
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kaijuno answered:
like michelle calmly getting Daisy down and sending her for a nap or smth and calmly asking what the FUCK happened to her son and eggsy’s just. oh shit. because he knows his mum is protective and he knows she ain’t gonna take bullshit for an answer and he’s so royally fucked how does he ever even begin to explain. ALSO consider eggsy breaking down and telling his mum about kingsman and getting involved and imagine him properly breaking down when he tells her about harry and he just starts sobbing bc he’s just so fucking exhausted, emotionally and physically and he nver really got time to grieve and it hits him like those fucking bullets. and michelle is just. on one hand her son is in love with a man older than his father woulda been, the man who she still blames for lee’s death bt on the other hand harry meant a lot to eggsy, her boy was fucking in love with the old bastard and she couldn’t just tell him not to grieve, couldn’t order him to shut off his feelings. christ knows she’d be a fucking hypocrite if she did. so she hugs him and rocks him and hums to him, old lullabies like lee used to sing when eggsy was a fussy baby. and if she cries a little too, well, she’s fucking earned it, ain’t she? and there’s the unwins, sobbing in the living room floor, hearts broken
I’m literally in tears just imagining this, fuck.
And this could go two ways. The one where Harry doesn’t come back, and Merlin probably finds out that Eggsy told Michelle everything about Kingsman, but he lets it slide because Eggsy has been through so much and his heart aches for the boy. Eggsy takes the place of Galahad and Merlin sees that the light Eggsy used to have in his eyes never really returns and Merlin just wishes he could do something. Eggsy is just kind of on autopilot because the one person who truly believed he was worth something, the man he loved, is gone. And what’s worse is that he thinks Harry died being disappointed in him. He failed the dog test and they fought and Harry told him that they’d sort everything out when he got back and he never came back. He never came back and he left Eggsy there to watch Harry die in his own office.
Or there’s the one where Harry does come back after being away for months. And Michelle finds out somehow. And Michelle is LIVID. She’s had to watch her son fall apart because of Harry being dead and he isn’t dead and I absolutely believe that Michelle could kick Harry’s ass. And Harry would let her. And Harry would try to talk to Eggsy, and maybe Michelle’s let it slip that Eggsy was in love with him and he confronts Eggsy about it and Eggsy just tears up because he never thought he’d get to tell Harry. He never thought Harry would tell him that his feelings were reciprocated and Eggsy cries because he’s so relieved that he’s got his Harry back and everything in the world is still pretty shitty but at least he’s got his Harry back.
YESSSSS. YES TO ALL.
mama bear michelle honest to god gives me life. because they were pretty much financially reliant on dean for a long time, yeah? and she knew it was an unsafe situation but it was either do what she could to protect her babies and deal with dean’s bullshit or leave him and face the danger from him and his cronies PLUS face living on the street. but now she’s not in that situation, because despite her fussing, eggsy does support them a lot financially now and maybe she joins kingsman because lemme tell you i am WEAK for michelle unwin, warrior mom, joining kingsman, having Daisy on her hip as she works in merlin’s department, maybe handling, maybe overseeing trainees when a new batch comes in, maybe handling coding and tech work and the mechanics of it all (michelle unwin taking their fancy cars and motorbikes and making them run 1000x better, souping up the engines and outfitting them with all the bullshit spy gear merlin firmly vetoes the ejector seat but lets her have her way generally ). but anyway. kingsman michelle and she knows the danger eggsy is in every day, gives him a hug and a good tongue lashing every time he comes back from doing something reckless. and she ain’t dumb, she can see that her boy ain’t handling things well after v-day, that even with her support and merlin’s support and roxy’s support, he just an’t bouncing back, and she knows something in him is just shattered, no matter how many cheeky grins he throws their way.
and then one day, a year after V-day, this old fuck waltzes in to their department while she’s busy typing up a report for one of the agents or something. and he looks different, yes. big nasty scar on the side of his head, bit of a tremor in his hands, maybe he’s got this fancy walking stick, but even with all that, even with age, she knows it’s harry fucking hart. and she wants to slap him, wants to kick his posh arse all the way across the building because she took her lee from her and pitched their family into hell, and now he’d taken and broken her eggsy, her baby boy, and she was not happy. so she slaps the shit out of him, beats on his chest and yells and screams and harry lets her, takes it with a solemn look, takes every blow, verbal and physical, doesn’t fight back. and when she’s through kicking his arse for her husband and her son and herself, she helps him up and offers him a tissue for his bloody nose and tells him, matter of factly, “you fucked up my son. you broke his heart, he was in love with you you mad fucking bastard, go fix this and if you ever hurt him again so help me god you ain’t gonna get no third chance at life.”
and maybe harry is stunned, because yes, he was aware eggsy had certain feelings for him. but he also wasn’t stupid. he was acutely aware of eggsy’s past, had read files upon files about it, knew that eggsy felt gratitude for how he’d helped him out of the situation, had wanted to please, had been searching for the affection and approval having an abusive shitstain of a stepfather fucked him out of. he also knew eggsy was a young man, couldn’t find any proof of previous lasting relationships, knew that young hearts were so much more fragile than old ones like his own. he had known of eggsy’s crush, yes, but had thought it simply that. something to be discouraged, something fleeting, and yet. and yet when he sees eggsy, from a distance at first, he knows, because there’s a slump to the boy’s shoulders, and there’s the uncanny replication of his own sense of dress and coiffed hair, feels a shiver run down his spine because he has possibly fucked up one of the best things that’s happened to him.
and of course eggsy is a fighter. he knew that the moment he picked him up outside the police station. and there are punches thrown and tears falling and when eggsy finally runs out of steam, panting and shaking , he finally meets harry’s eyes and he breaks all over again. and it rocks harry, makes him toss down his cane, but he steadies himself by wrapping his arms around the lad (no, the young man, he’s a proper young man now, blossomed into everything harry knew he could be, fulfilled potential). he lets eggsy cry, offers soothing murmurs and kisses to his temple, rubs circles against his back. the other agents know well enough to stay the fuck away, though maybe roxy went to go get merlin, just in case things went properly tits up.
and when eggsy calms it’s fucked, yeah? cause it’s like that moment when you can’t really believe what just happened, don’t know how to process it or handle it or handle how you handled it in the moment, and he might be about to lose his shit, but harry stops him with a warm, trembling hand on his shoulder. he looks calm as ever, though maybe his voice is just a hint unsteady when he tells eggsy “i love you too.”
and maybe eggsy wants to scream and yell and fight, say it’s too late you fucking bastard, i watched you die, you’re gonna break my fucking heart again, i’m a disappointment to you you don’t love me you don’t fuck you fuck you fuck you but there’s something so painfully raw and sincere in harry’s eyes, and he just can’t. and yeah, maybe harry will just break his heart all over again, but instead of swears or insults or anything cheeky, all that comes out is a choked “i love you”, and another and another until that’s all he can say, clinging to harry in the middle of fucking HQ.
and his mum is watching from a distance, still unsettled, still worried, still ferociously protective and ready to kick arse, but she’s got daisy on one hip and she’s watching the light come back to her son’s eyes, and she would rather die than deny him this happiness right now.
I WROTE A WHOLE LONG REPLY BUT TUMBLR MOBILE DIDNT POST IT AGH
Anyway ah I’m always a slut for Kingsman Michelle. I imagine Merlin just kinda shrugging his shoulders and letting her join tech because she already knows everything anyway.
And think about Daisy at Kingsman oh man. Toys strewn about Merlin’s office because Daisy has taken a liking to him. Merlin making her cool spy toys because he’s a nerd and also likes spoiling her. Eggsy bringing her back stuff from his missions aww. And Daisy would just l o s e her mind when a new batch of puppies would come in for trainees and she would get to play with them before they were given to the recruits.
Harry would take the place of Arthur because he can’t do missions anymore (and because Merlin HATED being Arthur) and because of this, Harry has all the time in the world to spend with Daisy and he absolutely spoils Daisy rotten and Michelle finds it really endearing because Harry’s so good with kids and he adores Daisy. Harry would also spoil Eggsy rotten because I wholeheartedly believe Harry is the type to spoil the people he loves and Eggsy gets all blushy whenever Harry gets him something aaah.
And its a deleted scene in the movie but I believe Eggsy moves his family into Harry’s old house (there’s a bit that got cut where Dean shows up and gets his ass kicked and Eggsy’s wearing what looks like Harry’s red robe) and so Harry obviously isn’t gonna kick them out so he stays in one of Kingsman’s safehouses for a while and he eventually moved in with Eggsy. I imagine it would go more along the lines of Harry asking Michelle for permission to move into his own home again (because Harry respects and is maybe a lil afraid of Michelle despite her being younger and smaller than him).
YES PRAISE CHRIST
merlin is officially uncle merly and he spoils Daisy and sets her up a little playroom in the corner of his office and lets her take naps on His Couch that even Harry isn’t allowed to touch and if a few stuffed animals end up taking permanent residence there well that’s nobody’s business but his
and roxy being “auntie roxy” and absolutely spoiling daisy as well, teaching her all sorts of important things and letting her play in her makeup and teaching her how to punch in case anyone teases her too much. and auntie roxie is the best and gets her lots of toys and stuffed animals and buys her her first swiss army knife when she’s older
and harry absolutely dotes on her, cooks her all sorts of wonderful meals and has tea parties in his office and always sneaks her biscuits and chocolates because christ knows their sweet tooths are about the same and eggsy is always getting onto him like harry you utter fiend you’re gonna rot all her teeth out and harry just rolls his eyes and tells him they’re baby teeth they’ll be coming out anyhow and beyond that kingsman has a comprehensive dental plan (and it’s hard for eggsy to argue when harry’s got chocolate on his lips and maybe he starts to develop a wicked sweet tooth too)
and michelle is just a bit overwhelmed at first because all of the agents love daisy and they’re all constantly getting her things and getting michelle things too and it’s wild, it honestly is and it takes some getting used to, half the time she wants to whisk daisy away and keep her safe put up in her office but she understands that, while all of these people are terrifying trained killers (including her son, ain’t that a thought), they’d never lay a hand on daisy, that they were all safe there.
and oh my god yes that deleted scene fuck me up fuck me UP. michelle thinks the butterflies and the fucking stuffed dog is so weird but eggsy begs her not to touch them, ever, and he always keeps everything dusted and neat (which is a fucking miracle honestly she’d always fought with him to keep his room nice and tidy and now he’s always fucking cleaning the place and tending to the garden) and now that harry’s back, she expects to be booted out of the nice posh home in the nice neighbourhood and she’s going to lose the lovely kitchen that her son is a wizard in and she’s panicking, just a bit, because while she knows they have enough money to move somewhere nice, get daisy set up to go to a proper good school when she’s of age, it’s just the hassle of moving, the fear of taking days off and letting her work fall behind just to get them up and moved. but harry never asks them to leave, is very respectful when he comes to visit, and it’s fucking weird. and then harry draws her aside one night after he visits for dinner, looking all earnest and telling her that he and eggsy have officially been dating for six months now and michelle knows it ai’t no secret they sleep together too, and he sincerely tells her he does plan to wed her son (which god, ain’t that a thought) and asks if he may move back in. and it’s a bit ridiculous, because it’s harry’s fucking house anyway, and she can’t help but laugh in his face. but then she smiles, calls him a daft wanker and tells him of course he can, but his nibs best keep it down at night or she’ll kick his arse all over again.
AHHHH Ye S.
And can you imagine tea parties with Harry Hart oh my god can you imagine if some of the trainees see Harry Fucking Hart, Trained Ass Kicker, wearing a little plastic tiara and having a tea party with Daisy and they all have this preconceived notion that Harry is gonna be super scary and intimidating and he’s got chocolate on his face.
And I saw a post a while ago where Harry calls Daisy his Daisy-Baisy and ahhhhh that would be soooo cute. And Roxy’s got horses on her estate, so one day when Michelle and Merlin are real busy and Eggsy’s on mission, her and Harry take Daisy to see Roxy’s horsies and Daisy just squeals with delight and she tells Michelle and Eggsy all about it when she gets home.
And when Harry asks if he could move back in, Michelle’s just like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) because she knows Eggsy and him are gonna share a room and Michelle teases him about marrying Eggsy first or something and Harry’s like “oh I absolutely plan on marrying him, yes”
WHAT IF the time comes where Harry’s ready to ask Eggsy to marry him and he asks for Michelle’s help picking out a ring because he wants to make 100% sure Eggsy’s gonna like it and Michelle is just delighted that Harry is so adamant on making sure everything’s perfect for Eggsy BONUS: Daisy the flower girl
yo thandruil a lil bitch sometimes but he a hot lil bitch
What if we took all the bath bombs and put them in THE OCEAN
WHAt if they played mmm whatcha say every time someone died in Ten Little Roosters oh my god
me at 3pm vs. me at 3am
there are 3 letters in the number 6
there are 3 numbers in 666
there are 3 letters in USA
wake up america
I have so many feelings about Newt because if you think about it he’s had a pretty shitty life and no one ever talks about it.
His mother wanted nothing to do with him, he was raised by his father and uncle. He probably felt really isolated in school/college because of his age and implied mental disorders and he probably didn’t have many friends. Then he starts talking to Hermann and Herm is probably one of, if not his only friend and when they meet they didn’t get along and have you any idea how much that must have hurt Newt?? Then the war is on and he’s in the K-Sci division and he means something to people, he’s finally worth something. That’s why he’s so eager to drift, because he just wants to be worth something to people and he just wants to help. And then on that drift profile feature thing it said “Love interest: whoever will take him” and that just kills me because he just wants to be loved by people and not just romantically he wants to be loved platonically and he wants to feel like he isn’t worthless and that someone actually wants him around.
I feel like under that boastful and slightly arrogant facade he’s just a lonely boy that wants to be loved.
is capitalism an instrument