there are five kinds of star wars fans:
1. han and leia 4ever
2. luke skywalker is gay and trans
3. jar jar binks is a sith lord
4. “keep it, it suits you”
5. *calls kylo ren “ben solo”*
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The story just broke so I’m praying it’s misreporting but 😢😢😢
Someone made a music video of a bunch of Star Wars dogfights and set it to Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins and its really??? Great??????
Wait am I the only one that didn’t know Ewan McGregor’s uncle was the guy that played Wedge in the original 3 Star Wars movies
The most unrealistic thing about the Star Wars prequels is that Padme had fuckin Obi Wan Kenobi’s fine ass walkin around but she decided to fall in love with that emo pissbaby sand child instead
i always wondered about the star wars universe how history is so easily forgotten like “oh so they stories were true?” yes rey!! have you never seen holos? anything? “who was my dad” are u kidding me luke what happened to ur dad is like the modern day equivalent of obama dismembering donald trump with a katana inside a volcano but then! i remembered! look at their fucking data of the death star plans its a fucking floppy disk and look at scariff they put all their records on EVEN MORE awkward and inconvenient floppy disks imagine having to carry around a suitcase full of fucking vhs sized floppy disks and they all look alike!! no labeling! are those the plans to the death star or a recipe for a space casserole? who knows! no wonder history is lost so easily jesus
me: i mean i don’t really care what other people think of star wars characters’ sexualities like. w/e, u know? different interpretations are chill
some homophobe: but none of the star wars characters are gay there cannot be gay characters in star wars star wars does not have a single gay char
me:
i’ve definitely told you about this before but my dad and my uncle have this whole star wars vs star trek rivalry where they’ll get each other passive aggressive gifts (my dad is a star wars fan, and will always get my uncle star wars merch. my uncle claims star trek is so much better and star wars is lame. he will always get my father star trek merch. this has been going on since my parents got married.)
this is going to be a good year for arguing
my uncle just arrived. my mom shouted “kids, uncle rich is here!” my dad bellowed “MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU” down the stairs. my uncle shouted back “YOU CANT SEE IT BUT IM GIVING YOUR DOG THE VULCAN SALUTE” i love christmas here
dinner was alright until over dessert my dad brought up “so, richie, you see the new star wars movie” until it devolved into a wine fueled shouting match. highlights include “WELL AT LEAST WE DIDNT HAVE JAR JAR GODDAMNED BINKS” “AT LEAST WE DIDNT BLOW UP–” “YES YOU DID. FIRST MOVIE. YOU BLEW UP A PLANET” “shit”
I’m hoping it’s disco remixes of the Star Wars soundtrack but literally I have no idea
UPDATE: IT WAS DISCO STAR WARS IM SO HAPP Y
It’s just strange for an Old like me to see this posted without someone knowing what it was. “Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band” was a #1 hit in 1977, and both the song and the album it came from went platinum.
I loved it at the time, even though I just heard the three-minute radio edit rather than the full fifteen-minute track. I didn’t hear the full version until much more recently.
star wars is so fucking stupid, I love it
Prime example of why being a fanfic writer is painful
star wars fuckery to english glossary: the reader’s digest version
- the star wars universe has no official name but in fandom you’ll see it shortened to GFFA for “galaxy far, far away”
- glass - transparisteel
- metal used in construction - durasteel
- very strong space-plastic (used in stormtrooper armor) - duraplast
- tablet computer (analogous to a PADD in trek) - datapad
- rather than paper, handwriting is usually done with a stylus on flimsiplast (flimsi/flimsy for short)
- holos are 3-d videos or videomessages, recorded and played on a holoprojector (these are often seen in small formats, palm-sized - analogous to like. a GoPro.)
- we don’t drive cars, we drive landspeeders or speeder bikes
- we don’t shoot guns, we shoot blasters
- if you didn’t bring a knife to a gun fight, you perhaps brought a vibroblade instead - an edged weapon that, you guessed it, vibrates. little ones could be called vibroshivs or vibroknives. we actually got to see polearm versions of these in The Mandalorian! it was very exciting.
- robots in GFFA are, of course, droids. astromech droids (astromechs) are the like. iphones of the droid world - ubiquitous, multipurpose, most with a similar aesthetic. R2-D2 and BB-8 are both astromech droids. human-shaped droids like C-3P0 are protocol droids.
- got a papercut? a nasty flesh wound? a missing chunk of your torso, perhaps? slap a bacta-patch on it or take a dip in a bacta tank for a soothing treatment with this all-purpose miracle healing goo. this is what diapered Luke is bobbing around in during the early part of Empire Strikes Back.
- you’re supposed to say kriff/kriffing instead of “damn,” “shit,” or “fuck/fucking,” but this is for cowards. let Obi-Wan cuss.
- midichlorians - ignore them.
- before the Empire comes to power, baby jedi who can’t hack it as knights or are never chosen to be Padawan apprentices become members of the Service Corps, the branches of which are the Agricultural Corps (AgriCorps), Medical Corps (MedCorps), Educational Corps (EduCorps), Exploration Corps (ExplorCorps)
- dates are expressed (typically) as [date] Before the Battle of Yavin (BBY) or [date] After the Battle of Yavin (ABY). for instance, the sequel trilogy begins in 34 ABY.
and, yes: that famous cantina tune from Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes is in a musical style called jizz. because star wars is incredibly stupid.
- popcorn is called bang-corn, because obviously the earth-centric aspect of popcorn is the popping, not the corn.
