correct me if im wrong but it seems the author of this article has celebrity/fictional character crushes that have not been experienced by a single other living human and they’re confidently putting this out there like “remember when we all had a crush on the fucking bladder infection guy from green mile? well turns out tom hanks is old now”

NowoN! NoN! Now, Prisoner 24602060451! You’re no one! Lol! Your time is up and your time is up and your time is up! And I’m Javert! You know what THAT means! Means I’m freeeeeeeeeeeNOeeeeeeeeeeeNOeeeeeeeeeeNO! Sauce, sauce, sauce. Your gun. Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! FaaF! To the left to the right, to the left to the right! HerereH! It warns you’re a man! I-sh. NaaN! I-shh. NaN. I s(h)tole a-lol-a-lol-a loaf of breeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaddd! And I’m Javert! My sister’s child was cloaked. WeweweW. Now six of rules that that she chained to daint five one trying six and Jav get get! My sister’s child was the child of death. We were starving! You’ll starve again! Lol! Lol! And I’m Javert! Unless you learn the meaning of narooshanwshnush! You’re the meaning eeznyenswoo! Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! FaF! What?! You dangerous nun! Yes, 666. My name is JoJ van JaJ! and I’m JaJvert! Do not forget my name! :c Do not forget my name! :s Do not forget my mum! 2fort! Get me a sandwich! JoJ van JaJ hands over sandwich Nom nom nom nom nom nom! Woah! I s(h)tole a bread! Die! Shoots him And I’m Javert! Techno music starts I’m Javert I’m I-I’m Javert! I’m Jave-e-e-e-e-e Javert! Now Prisoner 11111! Your time is up and your parole’s begun! You know what that means! Yes! Means I’m bread! No! Shoots him again Get me a sandwich! Gets given donuts. Tosses donuts aside. No. Lol!