This is my cat, look at my cat.
27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
not to be dramatic but i would die for this cat
UNMUTE THIS, I BEG YOU
[Transcript:]
Cat: Arr-rar! (weird chirp noise)
Cat: [weird mechanical-sounding hiss]
Cat, while licking finger, in a very gravelly voice: Ah mlem-a-mlem-a-mlem-mlem-a-mlem-a-mlem… mrowr rowrrr…
Person holding camera: I love you.
Cat: [hisses]
me when i see a fat cat: FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT !!!
FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT !!
how much is the cat??
me when i see a fat cat: FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT FAT CAT !!!
So fun
So I was mega rural and my school never had more than a hundred kids, all aged from preschool to high school aged. And let me tell you that there isn’t anything little kids like more than full contact violent sport with full grown teenagers and/or adults.
There would be this game we’d play until it got banned then a few months later we’d change the name and start playing the same game until the teachers finally noticed and it was banned again.
You’d line all the kids up against the school building, mixed ages so between six and sixteen, decide on an end point, one kid would be “it” and their job was to tackle another kid to the ground while everybody else tried to run to the other side. If anybody got tacked to the ground they were then also it, and the number of people you’d have to run past would get larger and larger until every kid playing had been tackled at some point.
While you’d usually start with a high schooler being it, it was never the biggest most athletic highschool kid. Not the jock, or what we had which passed doe a jock which was just Ben. It wouldn’t be much fun if you started with the fastest and strongest kid. Nobody would stand a chance.
The first person also never goes straight for the little kids. That wouldn’t be fun either. You’d tackle a few kids your own size to the ground. A few of the brave would try to get Ben but you’d always fail.
The you gotta get the little kids. The tactic is simple. A bigger highschool kid would pick them up, flip them over, and place them (relatively) gently on their backs and the go hunt more kids.
And then comes the best part. A gaggle of tiny kids all with ceaseless determination and zero fear of man or gods would all put their tiny little bodies to the sole persuit of bringing down the largest highschool kid there was. And while Ben had no issues pushing to to the ground anyone vaguely his own age, he could not harm a small child. His only options was to be faster. And to run away. Individually their grip strength was weak and his legs were strong. One small child he would just step to the side and get away from. Two small children and he had to be a bit careful where he stepped but he was only slowed and not stopped. But eight. Nine. Ten small children. It was like watching a pack of wolves bring down a full sized elk. If in this case the elk was concerned about not hurting the wolves. It was amazing. They only had to slow him enough to get enough tiny hands on him and down he’d go. These tiny children were always the only ones who could ever succeed.
I never played but damn no spectator sport has ever been as good.
A maintenance person came to fix some caulking in my bathroom and left me this amazing three smiley face note (that’s right, three) about Charlie. Charlie cat best cat.
Cat Reviews should totally be a Thing.
“I give this cat 3/3 :)’s!”
One of my cats just completely hates me and sometimes will just come up and hiss and yowl at me and whenever she does my oldest cat, sweet little 12 year old Tigger, in all of her 3 pounds runt-of-the-litter glory, will chase the other cat (who is about twice her size and 4 times her weight) down fearlessly even though the other cat is so much bigger and younger than her. Cats are just so good and pure and loyal sometimes. I love Tigger.
me walking into the animal shelter: hi id like the stupidest cat you have
sometimes my cat won’t eat her dinner so i thought i was tricking her into eating by putting a few treats on it but she’s actually tricked me into feeding her treats and i want a stupider cat
About an hour and a half ago I felt a cat jump on my bed and settle down, curled up next to me. Ten minutes ago the cat started meowing quite a bit, and it occurred to me that this didn’t sound like the meowing from the cats I own
This... this isn’t any of my cats.
Congrads on ur new cat!
my cat has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. I feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she’s really fat and doesn’t know when she’s full so she never stops eating. usually when I come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what I only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn’t loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so I called the vet pissed and i’m just like the fuck she’s still getting fat. so I switched her to another diet food and that still didn’t work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and I start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how I thought that was so weird like I God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well y'all ready here’s the fucking climax - the other day my class was canceled and I come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when I get down? I see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin. with my own two eyes I see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I’m in class and then pretends like she’s hungry when I get home. and you know what’s the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she’s fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now I have to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how I, a well educated adult in college, got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat
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