Sometimes I get so panic stricken over the passage of time like. It just fills me with anxiety that like, less than two years ago I was in high school and back then that was all I knew and that’s what I did every day and now I’m a completely different person. And I don’t have anything to do with the friends I went to high school with. And that’s what bothers me. I have terrible people-permanence, if I don’t see a person daily, they fade from my life and then 5 or 10 years later I’ll be doing something and be reminded of them and be like “Oh yeah! This person used to be my best friend” and now it’ll be years since I’ve talked to them or seen them. Like no one ever stays in my life for more than a few years and that scares me because I’ve collected and cultivated so many friendships over the years and they’ve faded away and I’ll never see them again. And it makes everything seem like it’s happening so fast because I’ll be thinking of a friend I had when I was 9 or something and I’ll be like “that wasn’t that long ago was it?” But it was. It was a decade ago. Is that how it’s always gonna be? Am I gonna be 60 years old and remember a teenage friend of mine and be like “good god that was FORTY-FIVE years ago!” Am I gonna be old one day and look back and miss literally he hundreds of friendships I’ve made and let go over he years? What about when people my age start dying? I’m going to regret all those years I thought of them but never reached out to them. And I get so terrified that I’m not gonna remember the people that were important to me because they only existed in my life for short whiles. One faded and forgotten relationship hurts enough, I don’t think I can take as many of them as I’m setting up to have.