I’m sure someone’s already transcribed this, but just in case they haven’t:
GRIFFIN: “…ah, but this Yahoo was sent in by, ah,
Amelie Belcher! Thanks, Amelie. It’s by Yahoo Answers user—
JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with undetermined accent)
“Amelie?”
[A beat of silence.]
GRIFFIN: “What was that?
What wa—”
JUSTIN: “It’s my impression of Amelie from the film—”
GRIFFIN: “From the
movie, ‘Amelie’?”
JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with accent) “Amelie!”
[Another beat.]
GRIFFIN: “'Cause she just walks around—”
TRAVIS: “That’s not an impression, you just—”
GRIFFIN: “It’s about a young girl—”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Allo! I am Amelie!”
GRIFFIN: (laughing) “—who… can only say her own
name.”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I cook an egg with a spoon!”
[Griffin is still laughing.]
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Amelie!”
TRAVIS: (quietly) “Jesus.”
GRIFFIN: (in hysterics) “She cook an egg with a spoon?”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Fall in love again with me, Amelie!
Now on DVD!”
TRAVIS: “This week on Moneyzone: Amelie.”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “You missed the f—you missed out new
relationships but maybe fall in love with me Amelie!” (I think? “Amelie”’s mystical
accent is difficult to parse. It’s like French-Finnish-Swedish or something.) “Don’t look for me on BluRay, I’m not on
BluRay yet! I’m on DVD!”
[Griffin coughs, and then continues laughing. As “Amelie” goes on, you can hear Griffin laughing harder and harder.]
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m too small to fit on the BluRay,
they lose me… I am Amelie! I’m hiding near the spindle… I am Amelie!
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “This laser
disc is gigantic. I am on the edge of it. Hellooo!”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “It is like a plate for my
egg dinner. Delicious! I am Amelie!”
[Griffin is now crying laughing.]
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I am inside your pocket. You have
enough money to buy my DVD!”
GRIFFIN: (weeping) “You
have to stop or it’ll be the whole show!”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I miss VHS tapes because I would
get in the little holes and spin around. Like teacups at Disney—”
TRAVIS: “Is she a Borrower?! What’s going on?!”
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Yes I live in a hole with a mice king!”
[Travis is now also laughing, while Griffin continues to
unravel.]
JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m married to the mice king. My
staff is a lollipop. Amelie!”
[Another beat. I suspect Griffin edited out a long stretch
of him pleading for sweet release.]
GRIFFIN: (catching his breath) “Okay.”
TRAVIS: “Oh, jesus.”
GRIFFIN: (sniffling and weak) “Thank you. Ugh. Christ.
Gimme a second. All right.”
End transcription. It is important that you know that occasionally, to this day, if the name Amelie is mentioned, Justin’s “Amelie” will very quietly say her own name.
