First things first before the letter, this is a very, very touchy subject. I am not trying to offend anyone, I’m just trying to vent and gather my own thoughts.

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So this weekend slipped by me I guess… but it was a weird one.

I am an avid fan of Polygon and watch an astounding amount of their content in my free time. I kept noticing over the past few days that they weren’t posing videos to their YouTube channel. ‘Weird fluke,’ I thought, ‘maybe there is some convention I’m forgetting about.’ So tonight, I got home late from work, and while making some food I did my usual search for Polygon.

Along with the channel itself which usually shows up, there was a video entitled “What The Hell Happened To Polygon’s Nick Robinson?” Curious, I clicked it. Within the first few seconds I heard that there had been some odd allegations thrown out against Nick. I stopped the video before the YouTuber went into details; I wanted clarification from a source I trust so I googled Nick Robinson and… well, it was confirmed.

Nick, one of my favorite content creators has some pretty nasty sexual harassment claims against him. I don’t want to get hung up on whether they are true or not, I don’t need ‘receipts,’ because that’s not my business. And, people don’t often throw out sexual harassment claims for no reason… It has happened, but not often…

I’m pretty speechless, and I guess I’m writing this to vent? Putting words on the page sometimes helps me find emotions. I’ve been trying to find as much information as I can through my own google searching (I have not questioned anyone and nor should you, because that would be incredibly inappropriate).

It’s 3:21am, and my mind is racing. Trying to gather my thoughts and emotions, the first ones that come to mind are anger, disappointment and sadness. I’m angry that someone who I love, absolutely love, could have done stuff like this. Someone who has made me laugh on a daily basis for a very long time. Someone who has been there when others weren’t. Someone who I look up to. Maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, but I feel deeply hurt and lied to.

Finding Car-Boys was like finding a new type of comedy entirely. It was like Nick and Griffin had created a new genre of Lets-Play. They weren’t just playing games like every other creator seems to do, they were doing something new, something fresh, something fucking funny. I can basically quote entire episodes of Car-Boys at this point, and “this changes everything,” has slithered its way into my lexicon along with a plethora of their silly phrases. Busto’s story arc and the evil deep within of Busto 2.0 will stick with me forever.

Nick and Griffin changed my life in a way. Again, maybe a bit dramatic, but I found them in a difficult time and their unique brand of comedy became a coping mechanism for my depressive and anxious symptoms. They were a distraction from my perpetually changing medications and I cherished that time watching their content. It was a step away from my own self destructive isolation and social anxiety. It was happiness, even if it was just for a few hours.

I am still processing my feelings on the matter, but I want to get a few things straight. I think that what Nick has done, or allegedly done, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, is wrong. Hitting on someone is okay, but if they ask you to stop or show that they are uncomfortable, you have to stop. Continuing this behavior is wrong. Never get even remotely aggressive when in potentially romantic situations. And I get it, dating, trying to date, flirting or what have you, can be difficult. I’m pretty bad at all of the above, but at no point do you, I or Nick have the justification to become aggressive or harass the person of interest. Also, harassing someone is still harassing someone no matter what you may be able to convince yourself of otherwise. If it feels sketchy, it is.

In Nick’s apology he talked about power dynamics being a significant portion of the equation, and while they are, they are not the crux of the problem here. They are a minor side note that, yes, should be talked about, but no, are not the guiding issue. What he did was wrong regardless of his celebrity standing.

So what now? Where does this leave us? Well, in Nick’s apology he said that he was going to take a break from everything and come back with improved behavior and a more conducted manner. As a longtime fan of his, my support is dependent on his actions from here on out. This was not good, and he better fucking know every reason why, and every which way he can write his wrongs. I believe in second chances, but any more than that, and you’re pushing it. So all I will say for now is: we’ll see what the future holds.

Finally, I want to step away from the drama and just share a sentimental goodbye to the era we just witnessed end in a bit of a fiery train wreck. Nick, Griffin and all the boys and girls at Polygon: thank you. Thank you for the hours and hours of wheezing laughs, bonkers content and weirdly sentimental series finales. I will still be a fan of Polygon, but things are changing, and I want to take a moment to remember what we had. Thank you for Car-Boys. Thank you for Touch the Skyrim. Thank you for Awful Squad. Thank you for Cool Games Inc. Thank you.

Nick, I’m wishing you the best, and I’m still with you if you can show me why I should be. There is a long road ahead of you here if you decide to stick with it. Understand the wrongs you’ve done, and work towards making amends and insuring that this never, and I fucking mean NEVER, happens again.

—Andrew

LankyRandman