Hermann would never say this, no matter how drunk he was. How in the world would you map the frequency of an event on a flowchart?

Here is an example of what a blowjob frequency chart would look like. (I made this in about a minute and a half on a .gov Kids’ Zone site. THE NUMBER VALUES ARE ARBITRARY AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS NORMATIVE GUIDANCE REGARDING HOW MUCH SEX YOU SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT BE DOING)

As you can see, the visual representation of this kind of data calls for a bar graph (you could also call the type of bar graph shown above a “histogram” and if you were Hermann you probably would) or a line graph, which would look like this:

[THE NUMBER VALUES ARE ARBITRARY AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS NORMATIVE GUIDANCE REGARDING HOW MUCH SEX YOU SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT BE DOING]

Flowcharts look like this and they cannot be used to map data. I’m not going to try making a flowchart for Newt and Hermann’s blowjob decision-making process, because that would take way too much work.

Anyway, if either of these people were going to decide to record the frequency of Newt’s blowjobs, make a chart representing that data, and send it in a drunk text suggesting that he should be blowing Hermann considerably more often, that person would definitely be Newt. I mean, c’mon.

i’m game