Apple: Thomas the Tank Engine. Doesn’t really look like the moon and I don’t like how he’s side eyeing me. 6/10

WhatsApp: A discount Thomas the Tank Engine. Worse. 5/10

Microsoft: Finally! A friendly lad! And one that almost looks like a moon! 10/10

LG: This is cursed and I do not like. 2/10

Emojidex: This is the devil. I am scared for my life. He is staring into my soul. I asked it for a for a hamburger, but it turns out I don’t really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground. Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe. 🍔/10

Apple: The standard. A good eggplant. Good shading and gradient 9/10

Samsung: Too shiny. Looks like a deformed kidney bean. I don’t trust it. 7/10

Microsoft: Stupid. 4/10

Emojidex: Why does it look like that. Why is it black at the bottom. This is a diseased eggplant and consumption will definitely give you food poisoning. 3/10

LG: The person who made this has clearly never seen an eggplant. This is also a deformed kidney bean. 3/10

Man at the bar on Saturday night, Craigville, Minnesota in 1937

Nothing like a ice cold drink after a long day