Without my glasses I thought this was

Actually, I’m gonna map this out for ya right now

1. John mulaney should be gay. Some fans quote the “God may ¾ of a gay man and then forgot to flip the last switch” joke from New In Town, I believe, but most people chuckle, nod along, and reblog
2. This will develop and evolve into “John mulaney is appropriating gay culture,” because this is Tumblr and Olympic leaps is what we do
3. That will quickly evolve into “John mulaney is queer baiting,” because, again, Tumblr
4. John mulaney will be the new Taylor swift, John green, whomever the hell else that Tumblr once loved and then decided to hate because ~50 million people can never agree on anything
5. In 2 years, the salt n’ pepper diner video will get passed around again, only people who innocently reblog a funny story from a comedian they don’t really know will get anons “warning” them about the awful, homophobic John mulaney
6. Most people will accept it outright, because we’re all a little weary of comedians, lbr, but some will question it. When the answer they get is “idk, but I think I remember people saying he was queer baiting because we thought he was gay but apparently he’s not and some people made joke posts about it that a lot of other people took too seriously,” they’ll respond with “are you serious?”
7. Yes, I am. Welcome to The Dark Ages™

I’m gonna schedule this post for 3 month intervals throughout the year.

Let’s see if Tumblr’s straight, white, golden child du jour survives 2018, shall we?

It’s happening

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyye

I’m so mad at how accurately you predicted this. This website…

the amount of people responding to this surprised he isnt gay only further proves this timeline isnt the right one and god made a big mistake

“I have a girlfriend now, uh, myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave and have walked and talked for 28 years. I think I was supposed to be gay. I think, like, in Heaven they built, like, three quarters of a gay person and then they forgot to flip the final switch, and they just sent me out and it was like, “You marked that one gay, right?” and it was like, “Oh no! Was I supposed to?” and they were like, “Oh man, well this’ll be a very interesting person. This’ll be a very silly person.”” - John Mulaney, New In Town