My name is bastard, I’m 23, I sell healing crystals in the back of my truck, and I activate almonds for a living, my salary is 1 million dollars
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#ME #I HATE THID SHOWMore you might like
I met this guy today who was like 20 and unironically said “aw shucks” he brought the whole house Klondike bars because my grandpa likes them and he offered to go out and warm my car for me when I was leaving my grandparent’s house and he handed me my shoes and opened the door for me and was just so sweet??? To everyone??? Angels are real and he’s a young adult dairy farmer in rural Michigan
jaethatgay-deactivated20201102 asked:
*bumblebee flies into my house* me (calmly): oh hello you can't be in here *bee tries to fly into the rest of my house* me (in calm voice still): nonononono you have to leave *bee leaves politely* i love bees <3 🐝
Very good boys
She's a 10 to me
i was thinking 'lady, that's how you get murdered, why the fuck would you invite some random man into your house' but as the video went on, i was like 'oh, she's exactly the type to invite a strange man into her house, he's more likely to come out of this maimed or killed'.
I’m in love with this woman
Anonymous asked:
So not sure if this will help. But I live in Michigan as well and I live in a community for adults with disabilities, we have a large range of disabilities as well, like my house is me and two other girls and we all have different mental disabilities. You don't actually have to be on disability to live in a house either. I mean fair warning it is a Christian community but I have one roommate who is atheist and well I'm not sure how to define my beliefs.
Oo I’ve seen some info on those as well as reduced cost living that I’ve been looking into
So, my dad from like the 60s-90s was one of the city’s biggest dealers. I specifically remember him in the early 2000s, when he wasn’t dealing so much anymore, some kids (like 20-25 year olds) were hiding out at the house while I (6-7 years old) was living there. That was the first big ‘noticeable’ experience I had with ‘criminals’. These people lived at dad’s house for a few weeks and for payment, they babysat me. I caught on that 2 of them had inactive warrants and were hiding from the courts and the other 3 were actively hiding from the cops because they were some of dad’s minor sellers, and fuck. Things like this make me realize how fucked up my own childhood was. However at the same time I’m thankful for it because I know to fucking hate cops and when to trust the crooked ones and how to just. Live while doing fucked up illegal shit while skirting the law in general.
And then I grew up and went into academia and holy shit was it a change of pace. There’s a major drug problem with students and of course there is, the shit we have to go through to remain on top of it all. I was fortunate enough to be one of the people that knew the underground bullshit to guide others that didn’t know what they were doing. In a way I’m kinda proud of it, having the background that I do, because academics are fucking hopeless when it comes to underground dealings and most of them are trust fund babies at worst. I was like a tour guide for it all, and I guess that’s my claim to fame in a way. My academic acomplishments mean a lot to me but what matters even more is what I came from and how I can utilize it for others in my field.
this nyc apartment tour is giving me conniptions
We love non-euclidean architecture folks
This is like the house I made in Sims 2 when I was 16 and high.
Dude I fucking love this, this is the worst house in existence. When he peeks into each room it gives the feeling of one of those paintings that follows you. I'm fucking nauseous. @zanteal @rindo--kanade @fret-furesawa
DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?
WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)
RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT 1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.
THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.
ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.
“CHRISTMAS”
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT.
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.
THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER.
NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.
THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED
THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.
RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.
TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.
FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.
YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.
WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”
Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.
I really love aggressive recipes
reblogging because I would actually love my condo to not smell like a basement sometimes
