Is Pete Wentz a real person or is he some sort of abstract concept meme

person: haha are u a boy are a girl

me: i do not exist on a physical plane. i am an abstract concept living in a complicated dimension that to your mortal senses can be best described as a strange buzzing noise

person: but-

me:  you ask me for a hamburger. my attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. john lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. i am reborn as an ocelot. you disapprove. a crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A flat. children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. you hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. a small library in phoenix ceases to exist. you stumble under the weight of everythingness, your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. you exist only within the fourth dimension. the fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. my head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. the universe has reasserted itself. a particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. you die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the phoenix library. you disapprove. your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. a small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.

i love the new trend of people being like “im the girl” or “im the [random noun from post]” or “im the abstract concept of a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life while a crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat ” i love it so much

I’m giving up personhood to become an abstract concept that can be best described as the noise an old cathode TV makes when you first turn it on

So we’re about to kick one of my roommates out. We have trash weeks and whenever it’s her week she doesn’t take the trash out. She hasn’t done it for the last two weeks and when my roommates and I got back from going home for the weekend, the trash was still there and the trash pile was over half my height. There was moldy sushi on the table, and the door was unlocked and she wasn’t even here. We have to take anything worth money home because she never locks the goddamn door. She borrows all of our dishes and silverware because she doesn’t have any, and then she tries to give it back without washing it. She slams the door when she leaves. She stays out until 2-3am and, even though she has her keys, bangs on the door for a few minutes like she expects us to wake up and let her in. She throws temper tantrums when we ask her to do her chores for the week, she throws temper tantrums at random times to the point where we’re all walking on eggshells around her. She gets defensive and cusses us out when we try to tell her to do her chores. She collects live fucking bugs and gets defensive when we tell he to throw them out. She kept and starved a stink bug last week and the room still smells like ass because of if. We’re gonna kick her the fuck out and she can be a nightmare somewhere else.