jesus christ, i will never be this goth.

Mary Shelley’s father taught her to spell her name by taking her to the graveyard and having her trace the letters on her mother, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley’s gravestone.

NO ONE will ever be as goth.

Shit.

“WE NAILED IT BOYS”

Apparently in the 20s and 30s, armadillos weren’t very commonly known, so moviemakers would use them wherever they needed some creepy, ‘demonic’ animal running around. So there were a lot of armadillos in early filmmaking, and it was often people’s only source of reference for armadillos.

Fast forward twenty years to when the father of the biology professor who told me this is driving out from the east coast to see his son in California. Crossing the southwest at night.

An armadillo runs across the road. 

He comes to a screeching halt and the Thing Of Evil, which he never knew was actually a real animal, trots the rest of the way across the road and vanishes into the desert.

Apparently it shook him up rather a bit.

The post got better.

How are you gonna make this post and not mention the inexplicable bee coffin 

there is at least ONE bee vampire

no one’s answered my question

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS AN UNDERGRAD

IMAGINE HEARING ABOUT THE DUDEBRO LIVING NEXT TO U IN THE DORMS “yah dave dropped out cuz he built a fucking person”

victor frankenstein was a little bITCH and he had no degree at all, he was at college for like, a year and then he was like “lol these bitches ain’t got nothing on me” and he just got an apartment and stopped going to school so he could build a person. i don’t think he even formally dropped out, he just kind of disappeared and nobody even questioned it because that’s what you expect when some cocky asshole comes to class like “i know more than everyone in this school and one day i’m going to prove it by ending dEATH ITSELF” 

fucking bullshit victor, come home and eat some goddamn soup you wussass teenager 

fucking trashass motherfucker 19 year old sin machine

go get ur liver pecked by birds u mess of a human being

i am never going to let the world forget that victor frankenstein spent 90% of the novel moping instead of doing literally anything else. actual quote from emo kid victor frankenstein “my only solace was silence - deep, dark, deathlike silence” like HOW EXTRA

Van Hellsing absolutely wired on classic cocaine coca cola defeating dracula

… Okay. I believe you. But like… how?

NINTENDO WAS FOUNDED IN 1889 AS A CARD GAME MANUFACTURER AND ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS HAPPENED IN 1890 OR LATER

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT DRACULA WAS EARLIER WHAT THE FUCK

YOU COULD WRITE A DRACULA FANFIC WHERE DRACULA TRAVELS TO JAPAN AND BUYS A PACK OF NINTENDO BRAND PLAYING CARDS AND IT WOULD BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. SAME DEAL FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES.

No no no no no!

Don’t write fanfic!

Those things are in the public domain!

You can legally write, publish, and sell a Dracula book where Dracula travels to Japan and buys a pack of Nintendo brand playing cards!

Same deal for Sherlock Holmes!

what if you write a book where dracula and sherlock holmes travel to japan at the same time and reach for the last pack of nintendo brand playing cards that they both wanted

the moral of frankenstein is if youre going to build a monster out of dead body parts dont make him like 8 feet tall and super strong

or just love your super strong 8 feet tall son

Like, don’t abandon him because you are scared of him. Like you met him a second ago. He just wants a family

The moral of the story is that you need to be prepared for the realities of parenthood before you commit. Sometimes you get what you expected, sometimes you get an eight foot tall super strong patchwork zombie child, sometimes you get neither of those things. No take-backs.

One of the funniest things about this is that the creation is supposed to be “hideous”, but he’s described as looking like some kind of huge goth prince and… really doesn’t sound so bad.

That’s not what’s meant by “hideous” in the text. The creation is not “hideous” as in “aesthetically ugly”, it’s “hideous” as in ghastly, terrifying, shocking, unnatural, wrong, uncanny. Aesthetically the creature is described as “beautiful”, the way Victor painstakingly designed him. That’s why he’s described as sounding like a tall goth prince, and if you interpreted “hideous” to mean “ugly looking”, I can see why it would be confusing. 

Moral of Frankenstein: love your giant goth son

Victor Frankenstein was an asshole and his creation did nothing wrong

Every single bad thing that happens in Frankenstein is a direct result of Victor being an arrogant pansy with delusions of adequacy. (Also, that whole bit about being made from dead body parts? Not in the book.)