A bunch of people and I are kinda searching for a 5th roommate for our apartment for the school year and one girl was like “this friend from work needs a place, he’s a guy tho” in the group text and I went and fb stalked him and was like “sure dude” and then everyone else was like “I have to ask my boyfriend first” or “I have yo ask my parents if thats okay” like Jesus I forgot it was such a big deal like my parents never gave a shit like I told my mom after the fact and she didn’t give a f u c k
Her nicknames for me were Byronius and Cock Ring. She once got a text alert from weather.com saying the northern lights were gonna be big… so that night I had to book flights and the next day we were there. When Gary had to pee on a plane she took him and a wee-wee pad into the lavatory and how they worked it out is one of life’s great mysteries. Most of my time with her involved me staring at her, wide-eyed and in blissful shock that one person could live a life so fully. We rode dog sleds in Canada, swam hot springs in Japan, pet koalas in Australia. That’s how she lived. Extraordinary. Brilliant. Hilarious. And generous! Not every assistant job is like that. I was with her for nearly 3 years. Every moment is a treasure, inspiration. I love this woman and will forever. She has been a force in my life from the moment I met her. To this day I think of her constantly. Every memory with her is bursting with color. I feel so lucky, you guys! So! Lucky! But, you know her, too. Because she was exactly the same in private as in public. Authentic. Honest. Real. A champion for mental health, veterans, feminism. She did anything for her family, loved her friends, embodied aliveness. I’ll miss her so, so much. – Byron Lane, Carrie’s former assistant
#do u think that it was awkward in the group when the rest found out that shere khan hunted down and tried to kill a kid multiple times? #im not discussing the ethics of shere khan trying to kill a child or whether mowgli deserved it or not im just wondering like. #was it awkward for them #do u think tigger and hobbes text abt him and how they can’t invite him to big family bbqs anymore bc of chris and calvin? #does tony stop posting group pics that have shere khan in them bc he doesn’t want to lose his kelloggs endorsement? #tigress probably is the neutral party bc humans don’t even exist to her #is there a big drunken blowout between them one night where the tension is too strong #and shere khan yells about how ‘you don’t understand! he tied a fucking ON FIRE BRANCH to my TAIL!! i was traumatized!’ #and theyre all like ‘you don’t think he was traumatized??? you were hunting him and telling the whole jungle you were going to kill him!’ #there’s a scuffle that ends in tigress holding back shere khan and both tigger and calvin holding back tony… #eventually the latter two convince tony to leave the restaurant for some fresh air #and and shere khan breaks down and sobs that he just wants his fucking friends back while the rest of the restaurant watches in silence? #idk something to think about
Her nicknames for me were Byronius and Cock Ring. She once got a text alert from weather.com saying the northern lights were gonna be big… so that night I had to book flights and the next day we were there. When Gary had to pee on a plane she took him and a wee-wee pad into the lavatory and how they worked it out is one of life’s great mysteries. Most of my time with her involved me staring at her, wide-eyed and in blissful shock that one person could live a life so fully. We rode dog sleds in Canada, swam hot springs in Japan, pet koalas in Australia. That’s how she lived. Extraordinary. Brilliant. Hilarious. And generous! Not every assistant job is like that. I was with her for nearly 3 years. Every moment is a treasure, inspiration. I love this woman and will forever. She has been a force in my life from the moment I met her. To this day I think of her constantly. Every memory with her is bursting with color. I feel so lucky, you guys! So! Lucky! But, you know her, too. Because she was exactly the same in private as in public. Authentic. Honest. Real. A champion for mental health, veterans, feminism. She did anything for her family, loved her friends, embodied aliveness. I’ll miss her so, so much. – Byron Lane, Carrie’s former assistant
Tumblr asking for feedback, providing a text box, and then complaining when I put text in that text box, is honestly the most on-brand experience I can imagine
someone in your class mentions communism. they speak about it at length. you are in biology class.
you text your mother. she does not respond for 3 days. you text her again and then realize that it has only been 2 hours since your first text.
freshmen travel in packs. what are they afraid of.
your class is in room 153. the numbers start at 201. you cannot find the first floor.
someone is talking about communism. it is not the same person as last time. this is an english class.
your transcript says you have an A in philosophy 3310. you do not remember taking this class. what did you learn? what did you do?
you meet your elevator buddy. you do not speak. you never do. you ride in silence. one day, they are not there. you miss them.
your advisor refers you to the registrar. the registrar refers you to admissions. admissions refers you to both the registrar and your advisor. you have spoken to two people who do not exist and one who has been dead for ten years.
the boy who sits next to you wears the same clothes everyday. you think this is strange but when you mention it, he tells you that this is the first time he has worn this outfit. you realize that you have lived this day before.
you pass someone sleeping in the quad. he has always been there. stop looking at him.
someone answers, “communism.” it is not someone who has been previously mentioned. the question was, “what is an example of the art of ancient greece?”
you have a doppelganger on campus. you have never met them. they know all of your friends.
the seniors speak only to professors. their eyes are dead. they have given up the safety of the pack long ago.
the professor is talking about STD’s. your math class is very strange.
the powerpoint is in comic sans. you suspect that your economics professor is an extraterrestrial being after all.
“communism,” the man serving you lunch insists. wearily you nod. that’s what everyone says.
Thank you for adding this image description! Just wanted to clarify that it’s not stylised, but actual Middle English. The text is from The Canterbury Tales.
Okay, had to track it down. It’s from the Reeve’s Tale, and it’s a description of a 20yo young woman:
This wenche thikke and wel y-growen was, With camuse nose and yën greye as glas; With buttokes brode and brestes rounde and hye, But right fair was hir heer, I wol nat lye.
In modern English (had to look up “camuse”, so that’s as good as my source, but I know the rest)
This wench was thick and well-grown With a pug nose and eyes grey as glass; With buttocks broad and breasts round and high, But right fair was her hair, I will not lie.
The fact that Chaucer had “big butt” and “I will not lie” within two lines of each other is causing me disproportionate amusement. Also the fact that “this wenche thikke” works equally well in Middle English and in modern slang.
