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aww thank you!!
also that’s what calculators with txt programs on them are for lmao
What if Kingsman candidates who don’t become Kingsman had to have their memories erased? Imagine someone does that to Eggsy after V-day. Merlin is livid when he finds out, but he can’t do anything about it. And when Harry wakes up from the coma, he finds that he has no Eggsy.
Imagine Merlin trying to hide it from him at first, and then having this dead look in his eyes when he finally tells him.
Imagine Eggsy waking up, confused, in his house, and not only he cannot remember the last months of his life, but also the world has nearly ended. He goes to doctors and they say it might be a side-effect from the sim cards. Or that maybe during V-day he committed such horrors that his mind has tried to erase them and went a little overboard. Eggsy is worried but not so much, bc his mum and Daisy are ok, and that’s all that matters. It also helps that Dean has been mysteriously arrested (Merlin’s work) and also that they got some money out of nowhere, enough to move out of that horrible neighbourhood and get Daisy to a good school.
He gets this terrible feeling sometimes, like there’s something he’s supposed to be doing, and finds himself missing people he can’t recall. He sees a blond girl with a ponytail and gets incredibly sad; glasses are suddenly a turn-on; he feels the need to call out a name he doesn’t remember when he sees a bald man.
Merlin stalks him through security cameras wherever he goes. Spends hours looking at him. He’s glad to have Harry back but, for the first time, he is not enough. Harry understands.
Harry? He’s a wreck. He’s lost an eye, he can’t go on missions anymore and the physical therapy is the worst and he’ll never be able to shoot a gun again bc his hands tremble so much. But above all he misses his boy. It kills him that he never had the chance to apologise and to tell Eggsy how proud he was for how he acted during V-day.
Once in one of his sessions of Eggsy-watching, Merlin spots Harry sipping a pint on a hidden corner of the Black Prince, subtly watching Eggsy laugh with his friends with a heartbroken look on his face. He’s wearing his glasses, so Merlin calls him and tells him to come home in the softest voice he can.
Eggsy notices him as he leaves, feels that weird “i’m missing something” thing that he feels so often nowadays, but the man looks very sad and he doesn’t want to intrude, so he doesn’t say anything.
Merlin is there when Harry gets home. He pulls him to bed and they cling to each other wordlessly. They don’t cry and they don’t sleep for a long time.
Eggsy finds a job somewhere, continues to live his life trying to ignore the weird feelings of longing and emptiness. But then one day he sees a girl getting attacked by a bunch of guys when coming back home late and, following some instinct, he goes to her rescue. Nobody is more surprised than himself when he beats the fuck out of them. The girl escapes during the fight, so when the police comes its Eggsy’s word against the one of the guys he’s just sent to the ground, so he gets arrested.
Seeing they want to put him behind bars for assault and battery, he uses the last resource he has: his father’s medal.
When Harry hears that familiar voice say “oxfords not brogues” he almost cries. He puts himself together and goes to the police station, Merlin watching anxiously from his glasses, and introduces himself once again to the young man.
After all, V-day left Kingsman painfully shorthanded, and there’s a fresh batch of candidates to be delivered in two days. Harry thinks Eggsy would make a terrific Bors.
Eggsy accepts.
(And this time, Harry makes sure to tell Eggsy that the gun is filled with blanks)
Memes have become so heavily context-dependent that they briefly spawned a side-phenomenon of corporations mistakenly assuming that the image combinations are simply random, and that “randomness” is what the new generation finds humorous, and then deliberately creating nonsense ads in a desperate attempt to appeal to the youth, which went on for several years before they finally started hiring younger social media managers.
Man finds baby squirrel on his bed, and it grows up to be the most adorable pet (@little_thumbelina_girl)
Thank god for a competent woman.
I like how done she looks even though we can’t see her facial expression. The body language is there.
She went about this the right way, if anyone finds themselves in a situation like this. Jumping and making erratic movements around the bird will only make it more sure you are a threat. Calmly and quickly moving the way she did is perfect!
Anonymous asked:
To the west walks a man, with little more than a bowler hat and overalls, who seeks his fortune from kindness he sows, yet finds himself a bit more at odds with the world than he'd like. It is the confusion, you see, as he pronounces his breaths with an uncanny fervor, and - with a tip of his hat - seems to warn women of "m-aaaa-ladies" with every other stride.
whhhhh
It’s like two people who don’t exist are interacting
this is a video of two people who accidentally find out that they’re both extraterrestrials after they realize they speak the same language unheard anywhere on earth and jimmy fallon realizes what is happening and he tries to put a stop to it because if the government finds out about it they’ll kill all three of them
List of the Hell’s (de-)motivational posters:
- PLEASE do not LICK THE WALLS
- This office has gone 0
112days without anyone saying “The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intensions″ - Clean up after youself, your mother doesn’t work here. YOU DON’T HAVE A MOTHER
- WE HATE YOU
- The Devil Finds WORK FOR IDLE HANDS TO DO - so LOOK BUSY!
- TO AVOID INJURY don’t tell me how to do my bloody job!
- For More Efficient Service just rip out your own throat with a stapler
- GIVE UP NOW
- CHEER UP! REMEMBER – The Worst IS yet to come.
- You DON’T MATTER
- In Case of Fire, Send grateful memo to the Department of Infernal Flame
To illustrate the torture existing in Hell, Neil Gaiman created motivational posters for the walls. ‘I had too much fun with these,’ he says. ‘The hardest part was just persuading the art department that I was serious about getting them to forget everything they had ever learned about design.’ - Good Omens Companion
One of the oddest things was in Hell. I wrote a number of de-motivational posters for the walls of Hell. And the art department couldn’t get them ugly enough. Eventually, the production designer, the amazing Michael Ralph did possibly the most sensible thing that he could have ever done, which was to ask the youngest art department intern to do them and tell him that we encourage the use of lots of different fonts, and Comic Sans wherever possible. And we got these very badly designed posters, and they were exactly what we wanted. - Neil Gaiman (x)
Some lucky millennial got to live out the “graphic design is my passion” meme on a major tv production and more power to them
Anonymous asked:
Love your post about temperatures, I moved from Michigan to texas and I handle heat very well but as soon as anyone here finds out they're all like " oh you poor baby you must be dying, it must be so hard for you since you're basically a snow man" and then try to command me to act a certain way they think is the "right" way to be in the heat. I know it's not exactly the point you were making but it feels like the same superiority attitude
Its so obnoxious when ppl do that especially if you’re already pissy because it’s so hot like I’ll fucking vaporize your skeleton if you keep talking to me like I’m a dumb little baby






