“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading
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they…..they are wild. no hamster wheels. no water bottle to drink from. no cages. they are free.
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sometimes i forget that there are wild hamsters
and the wild european variant is Fucking Massive, Mate
The European wild hamster looks like some kind of ice age megafauna version of the domestic hamster
dire hamsters
the-hermit-tm-deactivated202001 asked:
Oh man, do I have a hamster story for you. I used to work for a big box pet store, in the grooming department. The store manager came in and said a woman had purchased a hamster, left it in the car in the shitty little TEMPORARY cardboard carrier while she went into another store only to come back to discover it had chewed out and was somewhere in her car. He asked me to find it. So I go out there, get on my knees on the asphalt and look around under her seats. 1/2
2/3 I spotted him under the passenger seat and scooped him up in the chewed box. With a speed that would make the fucking Flash jealous, he hopped up onto my hand and sank his nasty yellow fangs into my right thumb. Blood cascading down my arm, I grabbed him with my left hand (STUPID) where he proceeded to bite my left thumb. So I’m walking back into the store with blood running down both arms with this fuzzy demon clenched in my fist. The woman who purchased him saw everything, by the way.
3/3 I manage to get him into another box and explain to the woman that she should probably not buy this hamster. She’s completely unphased by what has transpired and says he’s a gift for her god son. So I gave her the demon who’s box still had a little bit of my blood on it and she goes about her merry way while I go and wash the blood off of my hands, forearms and elbows. TL;DR: Hamsters suck all the dick, do yourself a favor and get a rat instead.
I have hamsters and while some of them are sweeties, they’re all fucked up. They’re so fucked up
Anonymous asked:
I love that you named the hamster Tycho Brahe. I was him for month long project where we had salons in our AP Euro History class. I painted my nose gold and brought my sister's stuffed animal moose, because dude had a moose. And got it drunk then it fell down some stairs, poor moose. But A+ name!
The hamster is a girl too and when my astro prof found out he was like “that’s so bizarre I love her”
We maybe have a ghost in our house that has popped up since we’ve had work done on the walls, and random stuff keeps happening but something keeps opening my hamsters cage and leaving it open so I’ve just had to explain to thin air what a hamster is because as my sister pointed out, my house is old af and my ghost probably doesn't know what a hamster is, I’m also leaving it a note in the hopes it can read.
just to illustrate, I don’t think my ghost means my hamster harm, it’s just confused
Confused ghost just wants to pet the soft.
We maybe have a ghost in our house that has popped up since we’ve had work done on the walls, and random stuff keeps happening but something keeps opening my hamsters cage and leaving it open so I’ve just had to explain to thin air what a hamster is because as my sister pointed out, my house is old af and my ghost probably doesn't know what a hamster is, I’m also leaving it a note in the hopes it can read.
just to illustrate, I don’t think my ghost means my hamster harm, it’s just confused
Confused ghost just wants to pet the soft.
Actual Things My Profs Have Done
- English prof brought her kid to class, class consisted of playing with legos on the floor
- Physics prof brought himself to class, class consisted of playing with legos on the floor
- Astro prof helped me smuggle my hamster out of my apartment during inspections, he bought her a hamster ball
- Crashed at a physics profs house in Minnesota on spring break to save money on hotels
- Played frozen ice hockey with former lego physics prof in the basement labs
- Sometimes I take smoke breaks with this hilarious and extremely Bulgarian physics prof, he grumbles about the younger profs
- We chucked a broken telescope off the roof once with my astro prof to see what would happen (he did not have keys to the roof I do not ask questions about how he got up there)
- Almost every geology prof here licks rocks to identify them
- Meteorology prof had a competition of how many people you can fit inside a deflated weather balloon (4)
- Stuck dry ice in front of a high powered class 4 laser to “see what would happen” with my boss/physics prof (lots of steam)
- Chem prof has accidentally lit his podium on fire. Twice.
- Physics prof, aptly named “physics dad”, brings in homemade cookies for the undergrad office every Friday. Bought us all Valentine’s on Valentine’s Day as well.
- Got offered milk duds at the park by a (possibly drunk) physics prof on welcome weekend
My orange Children: Marvin the cat and Tycho Brahé the Syrian longhair hamster
Thanks for blessing us with your orange children.
May I require why you named your hamster after Tycho Brahé?
She was fat and orange, much like the original
And I name all my pet rodents after dead astronomers
What astronomer was named Marvin?
Marvin is not a rodent, he is a cat
My orange Children: Marvin the cat and Tycho Brahé the Syrian longhair hamster
Thanks for blessing us with your orange children.
May I require why you named your hamster after Tycho Brahé?
She was fat and orange, much like the original
And I name all my pet rodents after dead astronomers