Cryptid FuckHands McMike

me, standing in the kitchen at 3:34am, wearing nothing but socks and a pair of pants tied around my waist. I am eating tortilla chips with cold shredded cheese and pepper. my hair is a mess and i haven’t slept in 3 days. i realize i am out of bowls so i put a bunch of cinnamon toast crunch into a plastic cup and fill it with milk. i chug it. nightcall by kavinsky is playing quietly in the distance from my slightly cracked bedroom door. i microwave some mozzarella sticks and then disappear into the night

Bonnie and Einnob

self care is going to a gas station at 3am and fighting your mirror self in the bathroom and then befriending them instead and eating slim jims and drinking gatorade with them in the back parking lot until a serial killer trucker comes to kill you and then you team up to kill the trucker and then you take his semi and tour the southwest united states with your mirror self robbing banks along the way and retiring happily to mexico

Liminal Jess

i love liminal spaces its like a location that’s dissociating and i feel like if i go there while also dissociating i’ll just ascend to the astral plane

kaijuno: HEY i did it i went to a scruby walmart at like 10pm while dissociating and i felt like i was a cryptid in like ghost walmart or something and it was the weirdest thing i’ve ever done

kaijuno: careless whisper was playing on a loop. there were 3 other people. none of the checkouts were open so you had to use self checkout. i didn’t see a single worker there. multiple lights were flickering.

zero-redeeming-qualities: Here’s the big question though: Are you the same person who went in?

kaijuno: i dont

i dont know

zero-redeeming-qualities: Well, there’s only one way to find out. Go back again, and see if you meet yourself in the bathroom mirror.

kaijuno: self care is fighting your good doppelganger in a walmart bathroom at midnight

Night Rider

Now that I have a car I 1000% am going to do night drives to just eat in restaurants in strange places and watch the sunrise over foreign towns and sleep in strange motels and experience the country but only in its liminal hours when no one else is awake

Big Gay

self care is eating 37 bathbombs and vomiting rainbow foam on your homophobic brother

Hercules 

Self care is climbing Mount Olympus and jerking off on Zeus’ DVD collection

NeoGod

self care is drinking 5 gatorades and supercharging your electrolytes to fight god in a walmart bathroom

Big Boi

Self care is getting high in a dumpster behind a Big Boy and astral projecting into the nth dimension to fight the dumpster raccoons you accidentally hotboxed

NeoJesus

Self care is drinking vodka and 6 cans of Red Bull in an IHOP parking lot and ascending to the astral plane and fighting neo-Jesus

Make a podcast with these guys

Cryptid FuckHands McMike

me, standing in the kitchen at 3:34am, wearing nothing but socks and a pair of pants tied around my waist. I am eating tortilla chips with cold shredded cheese and pepper. my hair is a mess and i haven’t slept in 3 days. i realize i am out of bowls so i put a bunch of cinnamon toast crunch into a plastic cup and fill it with milk. i chug it. nightcall by kavinsky is playing quietly in the distance from my slightly cracked bedroom door. i microwave some mozzarella sticks and then disappear into the night

Bonnie and Einnob

self care is going to a gas station at 3am and fighting your mirror self in the bathroom and then befriending them instead and eating slim jims and drinking gatorade with them in the back parking lot until a serial killer trucker comes to kill you and then you team up to kill the trucker and then you take his semi and tour the southwest united states with your mirror self robbing banks along the way and retiring happily to mexico

Liminal Jess

i love liminal spaces its like a location that’s dissociating and i feel like if i go there while also dissociating i’ll just ascend to the astral plane

kaijuno: HEY i did it i went to a scruby walmart at like 10pm while dissociating and i felt like i was a cryptid in like ghost walmart or something and it was the weirdest thing i’ve ever done

kaijuno: careless whisper was playing on a loop. there were 3 other people. none of the checkouts were open so you had to use self checkout. i didn’t see a single worker there. multiple lights were flickering.

zero-redeeming-qualities: Here’s the big question though: Are you the same person who went in?

kaijuno: i dont

i dont know

zero-redeeming-qualities: Well, there’s only one way to find out. Go back again, and see if you meet yourself in the bathroom mirror.

kaijuno: self care is fighting your good doppelganger in a walmart bathroom at midnight

Night Rider

Now that I have a car I 1000% am going to do night drives to just eat in restaurants in strange places and watch the sunrise over foreign towns and sleep in strange motels and experience the country but only in its liminal hours when no one else is awake

Big Gay

self care is eating 37 bathbombs and vomiting rainbow foam on your homophobic brother

Hercules 

Self care is climbing Mount Olympus and jerking off on Zeus’ DVD collection

NeoGod

self care is drinking 5 gatorades and supercharging your electrolytes to fight god in a walmart bathroom

Big Boi

Self care is getting high in a dumpster behind a Big Boy and astral projecting into the nth dimension to fight the dumpster raccoons you accidentally hotboxed

NeoJesus

Self care is drinking vodka and 6 cans of Red Bull in an IHOP parking lot and ascending to the astral plane and fighting neo-Jesus

Make a podcast with these guys