There’s like a 65% chance that Walt Disney has busted a nut at Disneyland.

my goal is to be completely vaporized at disneyland so they cant take my body off the premises and pronounce me dead offsite

I made a more advanced recipe here for all y’all that want something that looks more like a tide pod here, but that recipe is… intricate. So for all y’all who want just a simple detergent pod like these juicy looking packets, I’m here for you! 

Two components: edible plastic and juicy inside

First, the Plastic:

Ingredients:

• 2 packets (14g) Knox unflavored gelatin
  
• 6 tbsp water
• Parchment paper
• rectangular brownie pan
• optional: ½ tbsp 7up or sprite

Instructions:

Boil the water, add gelatin mix (optional: add soda for flavor). Stir in until mix is completely melted. Let cool slightly. Cover brownie pan with parchment paper, and pour a very thin layer of gelatin mixture onto parchment. Place brownie pan into fridge and let sit overnight until hardened.

The next day, the juicy inside:

Obtain your favorite flavor of jello. Follow the instructions on the jello mix to make the jello, but don’t put it in the fridge. Let cool until room temperature.

Put it Together:

Remove edible plastic from the fridge and gently remove plastic from parchment. Cut into 5x2″ rectangles. Fold rectangle in half to create 2x2.5″ rectangles. Seal together long ends and use indirect heat to melt sides together. Leave the short end open. Pour room temperature jello into pouch and seal final end with indirect heat. Let cool in fridge a few hours, and then enjoy.

I knew what this recipe was going in. You don’t see a recipe bragging about how few ingredients it uses and think “surely this will be delicious.” You think “It’s 1 AM and this looks like a vehicle to carry sugar into my body.” So none of what I’m about to say is on Ms. Davison, or her recipe.

There is a place in Terry Pratchet’s Discworld called the Great Nef desert. This is a desert so dry that even water isn’t wet in the Great Nef. Within this desert is the Dehydrated Ocean, a body of water in an uncommon fourth state of matter. This dry water forms silvery grains and resembles a powder more than a liquid.

There is a kind of wizard in Discworld called a hydrophobe. These wizards are raised from birth without ever coming into contact with liquid water. They are sustained only by the dry water from the Dehydrated Ocean. The result is a fear and hatred of water so ingrained that it allows these individuals to literally repel water, which is then used to power hover craft for crossing lakes and oceans.

When I first read this description in The Color of Magic, years ago, I wondered what kind of food the hydrophobes ate. When a hydrophobe sits down to their breakfast of corn flakes and a mummified orange, with what do they butter their stale, overdone toast?

Finally, in the pile of yellow dust I pulled from my oven after 7 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius, I have my answer.

I’ve been training a neural network (based on this open-source neural network framework from Andrej Karpathy) to generate cookbook recipes. The results are … rarely delicious.

Some sample recipe titles:

Onion-Orange Brownies
Shredded Cheese Bananas
Monk Blebberra’s Crusted Carrots
Crockery Mist
Tamarind Bustard Beans
Choices Together Clam Lanting
Banana Washed
Hen Pan
Oven Meat
Chest Soup
Terofelbork
Berry Lerning Keef Pudding
Cheese Frinds
Sauce-Lavy’s Mustard Cookies
Snup Fruit: Bright Grilled Evaporated Milk
All-Foag-Day Cream
Masty Bacon
Philips Chicken With Upright Cheesecrumbs
Chocolate Spinach Prunes

Even more recipe titles here: http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/140508739392/the-neural-network-has-weird-ideas-about-what