thankful to Dracula Daily for teaching me that this Hark a Vagrant comic is literally exactly what happens in the book
what will i hit first 69,420 posts or 50k followers
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loves-a-good-story asked:
Yooooo I'll fight anyone who doesn't believe mental illness can be that debilitating. Hold my pills.
I will
Kick their ass bb
My favorite part about 1931 Dracula is that there are armadillos running around Dracula’s castle.
Look at this it’s like they couldn’t find any rats so they just were like “eh close enough no one will notice”. But I noticed. I noticed.
“WE NAILED IT BOYS”
Apparently in the 20s and 30s, armadillos weren’t very commonly known, so moviemakers would use them wherever they needed some creepy, ‘demonic’ animal running around. So there were a lot of armadillos in early filmmaking, and it was often people’s only source of reference for armadillos.
Fast forward twenty years to when the father of the biology professor who told me this is driving out from the east coast to see his son in California. Crossing the southwest at night.
An armadillo runs across the road.
He comes to a screeching halt and the Thing Of Evil, which he never knew was actually a real animal, trots the rest of the way across the road and vanishes into the desert.
Apparently it shook him up rather a bit.
The post got better.
How are you gonna make this post and not mention the inexplicable bee coffin
there is at least ONE bee vampire
what will i hit first 69,420 posts or 50k followers
If you’re planning on donating to the ACLU today, take a screenshot of your donation receipt and post it in reply to this tweet! Your amount will be matched!!
He’s matching up to $50K now!! (x)
now up to $75k!!! (x)
Tingle just cranked out 50k words for a spite story for JKR and I am LIVING for it!
[Image one: Tweet from Chuck Tingle ( @ChuckTingle ): please enjoy new full length adult romance novel (52000 words) in paperback or ebook about the best wizard: TRANS WIZARD HARRIET PORBER AND THE BAD BOY PARASAUROLOPHUS available now also trans rights amazon.com/dp/B08B386R6J ]
[Image two: Cover of the aforementioned Harriet Porber novel; Harriet is front and center, a young trans woman with light skin, long dark hair, and glasses; she has a wand raised in her right hand. Behind her are a mammoth in a wizard’s hat, an anthropomorphic duck-billed dinosaur, and a motorcycle with the head of a woman.]
Chuck Tingle is a gift.
OMG the summary:
Trans wizard Harriet Porber is a master spellsmith who’s found herself in a bit of a pickle. After finishing wizard college, Harriet made a name for herself by creating a hit viral spell, but has since failed to craft a follow up. Now Harriet’s agent, Minerma, is breathing down her neck, suggesting that Harriet take a trip to an island off the coast of England for inspiration.
Hoping for some peace and quiet to clear her head, Harriet Porber arrives to find that her new neighbor, an angsty bard named Snabe from the band Seven Inch Nails, is already there making a racket. This parasaurolophus spellcaster is a bad boy through and through, and with his incredible powers of metamagic, Snabe reveals that this layer of reality is much more than it seems. Could Harriet and Snabe really be characters in a parody romance novel?
Soon enough, these two are discovering they have more similarities than differences: both trans, both strong, and both hoping to create a new spell that will change the world. But with the addition of two devious sentient motorcycles to the mix, Dellatrix and Braco, things start to get complicated.
Now trans wizard Harriet Porber is caught up in a tale of magic and mystery where nothing is as it seems, except for one universal truth: love is real.
This is a 52,000 word bad boy romance novel for adults. It contains some explicit scenes.
eric.lathan@channelview.isd.esc4.net here’s the school principal’s email
Sad af. 2017 and still racist acts going on. It’s something new every day
Yooooo everyone’s getting real bold now and this is why we need to start throwing hands
Important note to all Dracula fans - Coca-Cola was invented in 1886, and the story is set in 1897. This means you can authentically hint at coca-cola in any and all fanworks set around the book’s time period.
(not that it’s very impressive, since Dracula himself wouldn’t drink it, but certainly the American suitor can!)
Van Hellsing absolutely wired on classic cocaine coca cola defeating dracula
If you’re not ready to fight an alligator over your best friend dont even think about coming to Florida
Apex predators
Yooooo
Florida culture is living in a real life Jurassic park yet being more scared of the local people
TBF, you would be too if you’d ever met Florida Man
Hopefully this doesn’t burst anybody’s bubbles, but the video’s fake (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/did-man-save-friend-from-reptilian-attack/)
Now, by fake I mean: the alligator wasn’t real, it was put there as a prank by some Youtubers, to record people’s reactions. So the guy a) survived, and b) reacted as he would (AKA: fought a fucking alligator to save his friend) had it been real, because neither of them knew it wasn’t.
To quote Snopes: It appears that the “elbow drop” move was actually a real, good-faith, and quite courageous response to an uncomfortably realistic and relatively low-effort prank
Ok but like…. that still doesn’t change the fact that this absolute legend genuinely thought an alligator was about to eat his friend and he ELBOW DROPPED the fucking thing to save him!!!! That’s some true ass friendship right there
No people or animals got hurt, guy got to try and elbow drop an alligator, and his friend got to find out just how ride or die his friend is. As far as I’m concerned this makes the whole thing better.
