Ex Astris Scientia — having a hard time dealing with wasted time bc...

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having a hard time dealing with wasted time bc from 16 to 24 I did fuck all like literally did nothing at all. I got into college at 17 but was so lost and hated everything that I dropped out of classes and deferred semesters and I did that so much that I don't think I actually finished one class through so is pretty much like I dropped out by 17 and all this time I couldn't get a job so I've been living and been supported by my parents this whole time like literally for 8 years I've done absolutely fuck all and it's mortifying. Its like every attempt I did to move forward, be it changing majors or applying to jobs, leaded nowhere. I keep thinking about people who had to work to survive, people who had to push through college even if they hated it and I just feel like the most useless shitshow ever and I'm terrified of what other people will think about me when they learn just how stuck I've been for the past 8 years. Like it's been hell, you know? I live in an abusive home and yet I stayed. I could've tried harder, I didn't. I cannot ignore that people will look at me and think I'm a spoiled privileged asshole and I'm just so humiliated by this I don't even know what to do

I have no advice but maybe followers do?
75 notes
75 notes
Jun 19th, 2022
  1. quinquinquinquin reblogged this from kaijuno
  2. ativanforbreakfast said: I relate to this too much I’m currently struggling with almost the exact same thing
  3. comfycozycrossfox said: start volunteering for experience, lie on your resume, get an entry-level job and suffer through it until you have the experience for a better one.
  4. save-some-for-me reblogged this from kaijuno and added:
    Oh love, 24 is so young. I'm 27 and will be starting my first year of college next year (I'm late to it but I'm at a...
  5. a110catsinmyfamily reblogged this from kaijuno
  6. i-am-pluto said: Don’t get so wrapped up in the past that you mummify yourself.
  7. i-am-pluto said: I don’t know if it’ll help you, and I do not mean in any way to make this sound demeaning, but I would say just keep carrying on. Be reasonable about your flaws, be gentle with yourself about your own trauma(and your reactions to it), your own disappointment with yourself, and just try to do the best thing you can think of to make things better, each time you can see a choice. You won’t see the better future if you cant look away from the past. Forgive you, and carry on.
  8. talkingtothetrees said: And hopefully when you look back upon your life one day, you will look at yourself with kindness and forgiveness, because you know what, we’re humans, not machines. The time it takes you to reach your goals does not determine your worth.
  9. talkingtothetrees said: But then you need to actively make a change right now. The worst thing you could possibly do is to just continue the way you have because you have decided that it is too late. You need to sit down and decide what will make you happy and then commit to making it happen. Because it is not too late. You still have time.
  10. ohboilien said: Lastly: I hope that you find your way through it. And that u stay gentle with yourself and that in the future you can start to accept and forgive yourself. Best wishes, a person who lost their 20s to family trauma and resulting mental illness (4/4)
  11. talkingtothetrees said: Listen, we all got regrets in life. Nothing burns quite like missed opportunities and wasted potential. I’m personally very familiar with the feeling. But the thing is, you’re still young, and in the grand scheme of things, these past few years were just a short amount of time. One day when you look back at this, it will just be a short dark period in an otherwise beautiful life.
  12. ohboilien said: Get therapy, write songs, talk to friends, write about, build a giant mural for your lost years. Whatever you like. Using and transforming it can enable you to become the deciding party again, the ruler about your own life and your future actions, the next steps. IMHO btw: You did not do anything wrong. Life can be a shit show and imo you would’ve done things differently of you could have. Dealing with an abusive household alone can prohibit people from doing many things. (¾)
  13. rtgrl said: I don’t have advice for the emotional aspect but I had a couple similar years so here you go- in terms of “what do” you gotta realise that there’s nothing you can do about that time. It’s already spent. Figure out something you CAN do (get a job or if your parents will support you go volunteer) and get going on it or you’ll just have the same post next year with a higher number.
  14. dessertvonnegut said: first: start talking to yourself like a friend. a good friend, who would see your flaws and still love you and believe in you. second, the best time to [do thing] was [amount of time] ago. the best time is now. you still have time to start whatever you want to do. just start with the first thing, though – it’s not possible to do “go to college” or “get my life together” all at once, especially with that vague a description
  15. ohboilien said: You don’t have to be stuck with these feelings forever-and you shouldn’t from a health perspective. But it’s important to deal with them and your history and the reasons for your actions- in order to change, learn from it, transform it, etc. For that you may first accept it first. You don’t have to change or become anything - just accept it as a part of your life right now. Then, secondly, you can use it, or deal with it in any form you like. (2/4)
  16. ohboilien said: Ok. You gotta realize that there are different parts of your conscience experiencing different feelings about a situation. It’s like the “two wolfs inside of me” meme but in psychology terms. (I learned abt it in different kinds of therapy, I’m not a professional myself.) Apparently there is a big part of you who feels ashamed & humiliated for not working a paid job or not finishing college. As fucked as this must feel for you you gotta accept it and then go through it. (¼)
  17. kaijuno posted this
    having a hard time dealing with wasted time bc from 16 to 24 I did fuck all like literally did nothing at all. I got...

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