Ex Astris Scientia

smile-2-be-happy

Anonymous asked:

You can’t just call the “don’t stop me now” essay writing method the second worst essay method you’ve heard of and not tell us the story of the worst one 👀

chucktaylorupset answered:

i know a guy whose patented essay writing method is to, on the eve of the due date, set an alarm so early it should count as an atrocity, open an empty word doc on his computer and then placing it on his bed,

he then goes to sleep, presumably after drinking a full can of coke, as his immunity to caffeine, adderall, and the general life choices about to be described prove that (1) this man almost certainly is a colossal case of adhd and (2) that is the least of what’s wrong with him

when the alarm goes off he immediately starts typing into the word document whilst in a sleep adjacent fugue state. once he hits the required word count, he turns over and goes back to sleep, without ever having fully woken up

he awakens in the morning with however many pages of essay typed up and ready to submit, with no memory of what content is actually contained, as if he’d been visited by santa or a mystical essay delivering fairy or a demon that engaged in a brief bout of possession and then peaced out after rightfully deducing that inhabitation of this particular body and its life was a task said demon was not equal to, nor would continuation of this possession constitute as a desirable state

all of this so that he can have the benefits of an essay, whilst completely avoiding a mental state in which he is at any point fully present in experiencing the pain of writing an essay.

This man is now in graduate school.

chucktaylorupset

two replies from user @menaceanon that read "Hey what the fuck," "We can do that?"

Id in alt text

@menaceanon if you mean grad school, then you can do anything you want to, and i believe in you. If you mean this technique specifically as a means to go to grad school, in my unprofessional capacity (i am no doctor science man) i would say this is cant be medically adviasable but that i also cant stop you

normal-horoscopes

This man is straight up using ritual magic to channel the essay spirits. King.

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itskirbybitch

anarchetypal

so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing

and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know

but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno

except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer

a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“yeah,” i say.

there’s some mutually-confused silence.

“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.

augurofauguring

madz-the-3rd:
“ caucasianscriptures:
“I answer for no one.
” ”

Anonymous asked:

but isn't the universe simply too Big and too WEIRD for us to be completely alone?

Honestly though. Yes. Look at Drake’s Equation. No matter how you do it, you’ll almost always get a number greater than one (alien civilization) for our galaxy alone

I answer the question of “but what do you think of aliens” in stupid ways because the answer should be obvious that there’s something else out there and I get annoyed of being asked it.

macadamiamilkenema

strawberryoverlord

Deadpool is not straight

Deadpool is not gay

Deadpool is not bi

Deadpool is Pansexual, remember it.

thatw3irddude

Or he is all of the above

strawberryoverlord

Hes canon Pan. Its been stated that comic deadpool is canon pan and so is he in the movie

Get off my post lmfao

rapunzel-corona-lite rapunzel-corona-lite

“or he’s all of the above”

Don’t pan cover all the bases???

draumbooty draumbooty

Deadpools sexuality goes beyond that though… Pan isnt the right word. Hell fuck anything. He hooks up with aliens and no humanoids and everything in between. He’s married to a shape shifting demon queen who doesn’t have a defined form.

Deadpools sexuality isn’t exactly defineable.

strawberryoverlord

HES FUCKING PAN. THE CREATORS SAID HES PAN. WHY IS EVERYONE IN DENIAL ABOUT THIS. RICK SANCHEZ IS PAN TOO AND HE FUCKS PLENTY OF ALIENS. JESUS CHRIST ON TOAST GUYS

rebellum

People denying pansexuality like “I don’t think he’s pan, I just think he can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender identity, gender expression, and genitals!”

suited-monkey

thebootydiaries

i may get thousands of notifications but that doesn’t mean i didn’t see u reblog my post and add “XD”

thebootydiaries

i dont know what i expected

raiincloud

mrs-n-uzumaki

When you discover that these two:

Were married in Love Actually

skipperthekangaroo

is that more or less shocking than the fact that these two

were married in real life?

mrs-n-uzumaki

You just made my post 200% better.

jennytrout

Wait for it, because in real life:

Cheated on:

With:

dean-and-samwinchester dean-and-samwinchester

Shooting That last movie must have been really awkward

spoonmeb

oooooooooogurl

sodomymcscurvylegs

Me, listening to all of this Goddamned tea spilling:

adarlans-sassmaster adarlans-sassmaster

Wait what

hugeasslesbian

elesheva

recently it has come to my attention that you are not all grocery shopping with your friends. you should grocery shop with your friends. it is fun and it counts as socializing and you can all get excited about buying eggs together. thank you for reading my post about grocery shopping with your friends.