Slept with my cousin, developed an entire personality devoted to him and lying to his gf, my family, and everyone around me

Realized I loved him because he made me feel safe and I felt like he saved me, but I pushed him away bc the dissonance became uncomfy over time. Now I'm starting to realize that he doesn't have his shit together, I don't love him anymore, and the age gap made it borderline grooming- especially since I was so young and naive

My personality is reverting, I resent him, and he fucked things up with his girlfriend and wants me back. I feel gross