27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
The Lincoln County, MO Drug Task Force arrested a pirate.
When arrested he begged to walk the plank, he decorated a pontoon to sell drugs from. Which he required customers to say, “Ahoy matey, I come to purchase ye party favors.”
His nickname was Red Beard.
KING SHIT FR
deadinaflash asked:
SPACE PIRATES
i found out that Britney Spears songs are used to scare off pirates in Somalia
“These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect,” Owens said. The music is blasted at extremely high volumes, with the speakers aimed directly at the pirates so the ship’s crew doesn’t have to deal with the ear-splitting tunes, according to the Mirror.
imagine chilling in your boat with your fellow Somali pirates and all of a sudden the 2003 pop hit “Toxic” starts blasting and your eardrums are shredded by the violin and all you can understand is pain
no i dont want to be a billionaire to live a lavish lifestyle i want to be a billionaire to be financially secure and have enough money to give people things and support charities and fund kickstarters and leave hundred dollar tips
My lavish dream lifestyle: 200% tips at IHOP and throwing struggling artists a couple hundred bucks to sketch my latest asshole OC. I buy my cats better food. I get new underwear twice a year, including a new bra. I have my jeans hemmed, and buy name-brand crackers. Nobody I know ever has to worry about a vet bill again. I quietly bankroll surgery and binders and electrolysis for every struggling trans person on Tumblr. The zoo near me builds a 300% larger reptile house and names it the Wigglesworth Von Snakeface Rept-o-Rama, and I hire a Great Dane ninja to shit on Trump’s Hollywood star every day and post the picture to Facebook and Twitter. Snakes manifest in nazis’ houses. They are made of red-hot chains and never stop screaming. My skin is clear. I sit on my front porch and drink tea. Someone hands me a hamburger.
the funniest thing in the entire pirates of the caribbean series is definitely that one scene in At World’s End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it, and rather than have him stand in the shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it on shore
who thought of that idea? who thought “put davy jones in a bucket of water” and had the guts to suggest it aloud? and then who went “hey that sounds like a great idea!”
at some point someone told davy jones their idea was for him to stand in a bucket of water and he agreed to it
*stands majestically in a bucket*
ok but notice the trail of buckets behind him meaning he walked from the ocean through three other buckets of water before he got into the one hes standing in
Anonymous asked:
Beautiful
Just about every joke in Avatar: The Last Airbender is peak comedy but conceptually my favorite moment is that scene in The Waterbending Scroll where Zuko’s crew was fighting some pirates and Aang was lost in the middle of a smoke cloud.
Now, Aang being an Airbender, the logical thing to do would be to blow the smoke away, which he does.
This would be funny enough in and of itself, but what really gets me is that Aang just nopes his way out of the situation by… Calling the smoke back?
Like on top of this being the literal only instance of an aerokinetic character blowing smoke away in reverse (not the same thing as kicking up a cloud of dust) just… everyone who was fighting just goes back to fighting each other like that didn’t just happen? Like they didn’t just see the Avatar- who they’re fighting over- is no longer tied up?
This five seconds of animation is just the most beautifully hilarious mess.
Stardust (2007)
I LOVE Stardust, beyond all reason. And this was an example of what made me love it. The fact that his men knew and DID NOT CARE, and showed genuine concern and affection for him just made the pirates better characters to me. And DENIRO…. The GUSTO… This is so overlooked, I swear. It’s the mid-2000’s equivalent to The Princess Bride, with the wit, great acting/writing, swashbuckling, romance, comedy, and turning fantasy tropes on their head while honouring them at the same time. Yes, I was there opening weekend, and this was/is on my list of favourite fantasy films of all time.
True facts.
the whole movie is a delight, but MAN did i love Captain Shakespeare and his crew
Stardust (2007)
I LOVE Stardust, beyond all reason. And this was an example of what made me love it. The fact that his men knew and DID NOT CARE, and showed genuine concern and affection for him just made the pirates better characters to me. And DENIRO…. The GUSTO… This is so overlooked, I swear. It’s the mid-2000’s equivalent to The Princess Bride, with the wit, great acting/writing, swashbuckling, romance, comedy, and turning fantasy tropes on their head while honouring them at the same time. Yes, I was there opening weekend, and this was/is on my list of favourite fantasy films of all time.
fell asleep listening to a shuffled 19 hour singing bowl playlist that was really nice until i realized at 2AM that it also randomly has the pirates of the caribbean theme song in there as a fun little roulette that will blast you completely awake
