I’m high again and questioning my own mortality and I’m just. It’s just starting to hit me, this whole cancer scare I’m in. Breast cancer runs in the family. I’m showing all the signs of IBC, I saw the lump on the ultrasound. If it is cancer it’s almost certainly IBC, and if that’s what it turns out to be, it’s only diagnosable in stages III and IV. There’s a 5-year 40% chance of survival.
Am I okay with that? If I’m living in the worst case scenario would I be willing to accept that? The more I dwell on it, the more at peace with it I am tbh and that kinda scares me that I would just be able to find peace with that possibility on the table and idk. Idk
And I hate how it just hits me at random times. I’ll be laughing with a friend or I’ll be out with Axel and like an intrusive thought, something in the back of my mind whispers “yeah but what if you have cancer right now. And this joy is short lived at best”. And I hate hate hate it
