27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
Want to collaborate on a Google Doc with Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Dickinson, Dickens and Poe?
Click here. Start typing. Enjoy the hilarity.
Ninja Update: Wanna see something fun? Mention Shakespeare in a sentence and see what happens.
Poe kept writing distinctly into my sentences so I wrote ”Edgar, you’re not funny” aND HE BLATANTLY DELETED THE NOT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS ASDFKJL
OH GOD IF YOU TYPE “EDGAR ALLAN POE” POE ADDS A :( AFTER HIS NAME PRECIOUS BABY
Oh my God so I typed ‘Shakespeare’ and Shakespeare butted in and wrote ‘The lovely and handsome Shakespeare’ but Poe burst in saying ‘The dreadful and lonely Shakespeare’.
aND FYODOR DOSTOYVESKY ADDED ‘ I do not wish to make myself a laughing-stock before these idle listeners.”
I’M DONE.
Look what they did to All Star by Smash Mouth
“Somebody once hushedly told me the world is going to roll me. I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of glocky with her finger and her thumb in the shape of a “L” on her forehead. Well, the years start voraciously coming and they don’t stop coming; fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. It didn’t make sense absolutely to live for fun. Thy brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to behold. So what’s wrong with taking the back busy thoroughfares? In everything one thing is impossible: rationality. You’ll never know if thou don’t go. “You’ll never shine if you don’t glow”, he growled incoherently. Hey presently, you’re an All Star. Get your game on; go play. Hey now, you’re a Rock Star. Get the show on; get laid. As well as all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold. ~All Star by Smash Estuary of opinion…”
Imagine putting your research paper in here and letting them go at it.
OH MY GOD I WAS WRITING AND EDGAR WOULDN’T STOP FIXING THINGS SO I WROTE “Edgar shut up I’m trying to write” and he changed it to “Edgar shut up I’m meagerly attempting to write” THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE
I typed in “Hello” and Shakesphere erased it and wrote “Begone with this rubbish.”
HOW R00d
I typed “party in the Usa” and Poe changed party to “ill-fated gathering”
I just used it to yell at Dickens about Tale of Two Cities, I am happy now
I typed in ‘hello other writers’ and Edgar Allen Poe changed it to ‘Hello secondary writers’
After I had been writing for a while Edgar suddenly deleted my last sentence and wrote “THE END.” rude son of a bitch
I have to try this.
Rebageled again but to add if the link above doesn’t work, try this one instead.
It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.
And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”
And I look at the bottom.
the ad is seven hours long.
UPDATE
i’m half an hour in
the guy’s come back a couple times. his mower broke down and he went to get more gas. he came back and started it up again, drove around a few more times making comments about it being fun and “you still watchin? weird.” After a bit he took out a ruler and started measuring the grass.
He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon
he brought out an umbrella but it fell over so he left and came back and tried to fix it but it completely broke so he stalked off, dragging the chair behind him. i’m loving this.
HE BROUGHT OUT A HAND-HELD UMBRELLA
he’s really getting into the book
He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.
HE’S GONNA PLAY CROQUET
the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing
more compelling than real tv tbh
i just love the thought that this was probably this actor’s single weirdest work day, like do you think he just bursts out laughing as soon as he gets offscreen each time
JESUS??
JESUS????
i had no idea they were so frickin huge
I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them
Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?
Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens
Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.
So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish
yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable
a true inspiration
The Great Pacific Garbage Patch, upon closer examination, was found to be comprised entirely of ocean sunfish.
“Rice Cracker wrapped in leather”
my fave thing about the fact that Rey can fly ships because she salvaged a flight simulator and plays with it all day is that while they were running and Finn was like “we need a pilot!” Rey was probably thinking “I can do this, I’ve played so many video games!”
omg what is this from that is the best explanation ever
edit: oh okay, it’s from the ‘before the awakening’ comic
Winona Ryder’s and Elizabeth Olsen’s H&M commerical!!!
This is very gay
that’s called a lesbian awakening
I’m a gay man and this made me a lesbian
They’re just straight up advertising lesbianism
”This Artist Brilliantly Reimagined Disney Princesses as-”
me: *already asleep*
i have never been more awake
fell asleep listening to a shuffled 19 hour singing bowl playlist that was really nice until i realized at 2AM that it also randomly has the pirates of the caribbean theme song in there as a fun little roulette that will blast you completely awake
