I’ve hated god my entire life. I hated the concept, I hated the idea of praying to some magic white man in the sky, I hated it all. I chose science over feelings and tried so hard to make the pieces fit.

I felt I had been cast from the garden of Eden and I didn’t deserve to be let back in. I was a godless creature. I was unsaveable. I was awash amongst the tide, hoping for something solid to hold on to. God had shut me out of his kingdom and I thought, foolishly, that I couldn’t be brought back home.

Two months before I met you, I prayed. I prayed to anyone or thing that was listening. It was a last ditch effort, a final attempt at finding peace. I prayed for a sign that the world wasn’t as cruel as I had been brought up to believe. I prayed against all the science I thought I had known. I prayed for something to help me break down the seemingly impenetrable walls that guarded everything about me. I prayed for salvation.

I was not a happy person. I was a cynical and jaded alcoholic, and in certain ways, I still am. In certain ways I always will be. But you showed me how to be happy. How to be creative. How to cope with things properly instead of drinking away my loneliness.

I prayed for salvation. I prayed to see the light. I prayed that I would find meaning and beauty and peace in the world again. It had been missing for so long.

I prayed. And I found you.