27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
So I bought two pairs of glasses from Lensmart and then they said they were out of stock for one of the pairs, and that I could choose another. I did and they told me I had to pay the difference in the cost. Not happy about that but whatever. I pick a new pair and they tell me to send the money through PayPal to some sketchy ass account like I’m not sure if it’s a scam but I don’t trust like that and I’m definitely not gonna use Lensmart
“[defeated tone] So… I have…. lost my glasses. And I’m afraid to leave my bed because I can’t see… and I fear I might step on my glasses. So I’m sitting here with my bee pillow pet… and I don’t know what to do.
I need to get up. I wanna get food. I gotta exfoliate and moisturize, cause my skin looking atrocious right now.
What if… [deep breath] What if I die here, y’all? Would anyone even miss me?Like, really?
I want Enrique Iglesias to come save me. Like, the ceiling opens up and like, he comes down from like, a heavenly cloud with my glasses, and he’s singing. [imitating Enrique Iglesias] ‘Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? I will be your hero baby!’ And I just take my glasses and I’m like ‘Thanks yo! Put a shirt on homie!’
But life, life don’t work… life… [prolonged silence]
My aesthetic: when you take off your glasses on a highway and all the lights go soft and smudged, a trail of amber behind you like a quiet afterthought
Hey I’m reblogging this again because if you need glasses here’s what I do:
Go to Costco/Sams Club/WalMart - wherever they’ve got that $58 eye exam. That’s with no insurance, btw. Just $58 cash on the counter, you get your eyes examined.
They’ll give you a copy of your prescription. ASK THE DOCTOR TO MEASURE YOUR PUPIL DISTANCE. If they don’t it’s not a huge deal, you just have to have a ruler around that has millimeters so you can measure it yourself and it won’t be as accurate but being off by as much as a centimeter isn’t a problem.
Make them give you a copy of your prescription - you are allowed to have this, they have to give you it, you don’t have to buy glasses there. If anyone challenges you say you need a copy for your records and you’re not going to buy glasses today.
Go to https://www.zennioptical.com/ and start looking at frames/glasses that you like. If you create an account it’ll let you upload a photo and based on your pupil distance the site will estimate how well various frames will fit you.
Add the frames you like to cart and start checking out - the checkout process will ask you for your RX details that will be written in the boxes on your RX page. It’s pretty intuitive to copy it over but if you get lost use the livechat feature on the zenni page.
Start selecting your glasses details. Your RX will determine what kind of lens you get (go with the one zenni recommends for materials and thickness) but your needs will determine the other stuff. I make sure to get the fancy oleophobic coating because I’m a slimy bog monster. I also get the cheapest pair of sunglasses possible because bog monsters hate the sun. You can get transitions lenses or anti-scratch coating or super lightweight lenses or whatever works best for you. The extras will add up in cost but you gotta do what you gotta do - my life is much better with a pair of sunglasses than it is with some clip-ons for my regular glasses; your life may be better with transitions lenses instead of carrying a second set of glasses. DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU.
Don’t bother paying the rush shipping, this is going to take two weeks regardless.
GLASSES ARRIVE. WEAR GLASSES.
If the fit isn’t perfect see if the place that did your eye exam will adjust the fit for you. They often will free of charge.
GLASSES. GLASSES. I CAN SEE.
PROGRESSIVE BIFOCALS THAT COST $40 WITH CUTE FRAMES AND NICE COATING.
SUNGLASSES.
FUCK
It costs less for me to get two pairs of bifocals, one tinted and one clear, with special coatings and nice frames than it would cost me to get one pair of single-vision glasses from Warby Parker.
The cheapest frames available for adults on Lenscrafter’s site is $69.95. That is JUST the frames, not the lenses. The lenses are like $200. The anti-glare coating is like $70. THE ANTI GLARE COATING IS FREE AND INCLUDED WITH YOUR PURCHASE AT ZENNI. Just the frames and the coating at lenscrafters costs more than my two pairs of glasses AND my eye exam.
I can’t articulate how many literal headaches Zenni has saved me because I just used to wear my old prescription until I had trouble keeping my eyes open from the strain. Now at the first hint of eye strain it’s like “Not today, Satan!” and I can plan for the $100 expense that’s going to last me potentially years.
THE REASON MERLIN WEARS THOSE “SOFTER” GLASSES AND JUMPERS AND SUCH IS THAT HE USED TO WEAR THE REGULAR KINGSMAN ISSUE GLASSES AND BESPOKE SUIT BUT NEW RECRUITS KEPT THINKING HE WAS A SUPER VILLAIN OR DOUBLE AGENT BASED ON HIS APPEARANCE.
HE LOOKED TOO NEFARIOUS.
SO PEOPLE DIDN’T TRUST HIM.
AND EVENTUALLY ARTHUR WAS LIKE- “OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. MERLIN. YOU NEED TO WEAR SOMETHING TO MAKE THE RECRUITS LESS AFRAID OF YOU.”
TO WHICH MERLIN REPLIED: ARE YOU GIVING ME PERMISSION TO DRESS DOWN IN THE OFFICE
AND HENCE- SOFT AND CUDDLY JUMPERS AND ROUND FRAMES TO MAKE HIM LOOK MORE INNOCENT.
peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.
It’s a movie both literally and figuratively about signs.
Like there’s the obvious foreshadowing like:
Bo leaves glasses of water around the house which plays a major part in the the climax.
Morgan has asthma which ends up saving his life towards the end.
The sheriff mentions that a lot of local dogs are acting scared “as if they smell a predator”
Merrill was a baseball player which plays a major part in the climax scene.
The mother’s last words were “swing away”, playing a major part in the climax scene. There’s also a scene where he mentions he chose not to become a pro baseball player because “it didn’t feel right to take a swing”
The alien trapped in Reddy’s pantry is the same alien in the climax scene.
But there’s more subtle ones that are usually only noticed in the second watch through:
When the family dog starts acting weird, Bo says he should be taken to the vet, but Graham says to take him to the local doctor. Morgan says something along the lines of “but he won’t even know what to do”. Graham wont take the dog to the local vet because he’s the man that killed his wife. You only learn that Reddy is the vet in a quick shot of his mailbox, which lists his profession on the side.
Crickets stop when the aliens are nearby even if they don’t show up in the scene.
There’s empty places on the walls in the farmhouse where crosses used to be, taken down after Graham lost his faith.
Towards the end of the basement scene, it’s revealed that the aliens have quickly retreated, leaving their wounded behind, for example the pantry alien at Reddy’s house that Graham had cut the fingers off of when it grabbed for him under the door.
It’s also hinted at that Bo has prophetic dreams, and there’s a one off scene where she says she doesn’t want Morgan to die while he’s looking through a telescope, and he is the only one of the family that actually does become close to dying after having an asthma attack and then being sprayed with poison by the alien.
Not only that but there’s so many well shot scenes and good quotes and in the cornfield jumpscare scene thank god they didn’t use a LOUDASS noise like modern scary movies do, but rather have a quieter music cue but it’s still scary ugh THANK YOU. This also happens in the pantry scene where the alien shoves his hand under the door, as well as the basement scene when the alien is sneaking down the coal chute. The music in general is so good for the movie.
Morgan in the first scene thinks God made the crop circle and it’s shown throughout the movie that Morgan is a ‘believer’ from the beginning and has fights about it throughout the film with Graham who is no longer a believer. This mirrors the internal struggle with Graham and him losing his faith, both with god and with the events of the movie. There’s also a scene with Graham and Merrill on the couch where they’re talking about if there’s such a thing as fate. He reveals to Merrill that the wife’s last words were “swing away” which makes Graham think that, as she was dying, her mind was just replaying random memories of one of Merrill’s baseball games, leading Graham to begin losing faith and his belief in fate, however it’s later revealed that it was the exact opposite, she was giving him a sign.
Shyamalan, the man who wrote/produced/directed the movie, also plays the character who killed the wife, setting things in motion as the movie plays out. I usually don’t like it when directors play characters but least it’s fitting here.
The camcorder footage they play on the news is like. One of the scariest reveals ever idk maybe it’s just because I was young when I first saw it but it’s just really good. There’s also a bit during this scene where a bird is shown flying into an invisible wall, leading people to believe the ships use some sort of cloaking device in the daytime. In a deleted scene, the family drives by a dead bird, hinting that there’s a ship, unseen, nearby.
They don’t show the alien in full lighting until the camcorder scene which makes it even more scary to see. And beforehand they only show glimpses of it which is like, rule one in horror storytelling that so many modern scary movies break. DON’T show the monster, because the suspense of knowing it’s out there but not knowing how horrible it is, is a much more powerful tool in creeping people out. Also the CGI in this movie sucks ass so it worked in their favor.
The scene with the baby monitor when they’re on the car is SO GOOD. Plus the signal only becomes clear when they all hold hands which I wouldn’t count as foreshadowing but important nonetheless. Later in the movie there’s a bit of an argument at the dinner table BUT then they have like a group hug and only when they’re all touching again does the baby monitor start picking up the signal again.
The way they reveal the alien in the climax scene by using the reflection in the TV monitor and then the music swell they play when they’re going through all the flashbacks as everything finally comes together. BEAUTIFUL.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: The tinfoil hats are adorable and hilarious.