Not Everything That Crinkles Is a Snack For You - A novel by me, about my pets
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Sometimes I Open the Fridge For Me - the thrilling sequel
cis ppl will make up all sorts of fake shit to justify their transphobia,, they be out here like “a transgendered attacked me and burned my crops and poisoned my water supply and then drove the down with cis bus through my house and killed all my pets,,”
Anonymous asked:
hey space mom what do you think of naming a dog Laika in honor of the space Laika? bc I've thought of that for a long time but her story makes me sooo sad and mad but?? Would it be weird?
No that’d be a good idea! All my pets are named after dead physicists lmao. I used to have a husky named Balto when I was little
The Xbox One has a super sensitive on button, so just barely brushing it turns it on. Lately, it’s been “turning on by itself,” which means one of my pets has been messing with it. But which one?
Suspect #1:
Name: Calcifer
Age: 1 and ½
Occupation: Professional Gatekeeper
Hobbies: Meowing to leave the bedroom when the door is closed, then meowing to get back in exactly 30 seconds later; sticking his paw in my food when I’m not pay attention; ignoring the toys we buy him and playing with dish towels instead; Napping.
Motivation: None. He generally stays in his lane and behaves well.
Suspect #2:
Name: Oliver
Age: 1
Occupation: Professional Attention Seeker
Hobbies:
Laying on my chest while I play video games and demanding attention; eating Greek yogurt; playing with cotton balls; hiding in boxes.
Motivation: Likes to hide near the game consoles because they get warm.
Suspect #3:
Name: Banjo
Age: 8 Months
Occupation: Professional Butt
Hobbies: Eating cat poo when no one is paying attention; eating underwear; being a Good Boy™
when treats are involved; being a sinvergüenza; giving lots of love to everyone he meets.
Motivation: Likes to stick his nose in places where it doesn’t belong.
Deductions: The Xbox One on button has drool marks all over it, very reminiscent of a certain puppers’ antics…
Conclusion: Banjo has been licking the on button on the Xbox One because he likes the sound it makes when it turns on. BOOK HIM, BOYS!
SOMEONE PLEASE POST HIS BOND!
He was framed
Where is his gofundme for his bail
this is the most surreal most 21st century sentence I’ve ever read
noo
how is angry birds collecting sexual orientation data? how do these birds know im gay
Bro they fuckin snitched on us
The birds work for the bourgeoisie
it irritates me to no end when people say north american birds are dull in comparison to other countriesโ birds
blue jay
american kestrel
painted bunting
yellow-throated vireo
cerulean warbler
baltimore oriole
american goldfinch
northern cardinal
You’re forgetting the red wing black bird and the great and snowy egret. Best birds of the marsh!
I love how they’re all looking into the camera like they’re modeling.
other beautiful featherbeasts include orb bird
stylish accessory bird
loud and delicious bird
bird that will kung fu your face while you are grilling in your backyard
overly dramatic fishwizard bird
demonic creepy noise duck
assorted sky-cats
screaming inflatable doofus bird
stump
not technically native but it poops on my lawn
toasted marshmallow friend
weโre getting a little off-topic from brightly-colored birds, so letโs give it up for:
the INDIGO BUNTING
the MOUNTAIN BLUEBIRD
the REGULAR EASTERN BLUEBIRD
the BARN SWALLOW
and STELLARโS JAY
this post has been brought to you by the color blue, thank you and goodnight
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roadrunner
this is a good hole and i would like to lurk in it
That’s Carlsbad caverns. Hope you like bats and birds.
i do, i would like to crouch amongst the bats and birds
[video]
@why-animals-do-the-thing what the heck?
This is priceless. Fur is a great nest-building material. Normally, birds get it from snags on branches or (maybe, I’m not sure) dead animals. I know some people who actually put out a bird-feeder full of hair for the birds after they brush out their dog, specifically so that it can be turned into nesting material.
This is a very brave birb who has learned where it comes from and just decided to go get some from the source, and a dog who is probably too asleep to care.
