i saw this post the first time not noticing it was pest-bot who posted it and just… accepted it at face value

i was just like “yeah garlic bread is gay that sounds about right” and scrolled right by

hey folks. at it again. fucking. sitting here on my fat ass thinking to myself. what a specific kind of text post. what happened to this person. what happened to this person? what lie was told. what dude lied about bread. what is the story, what is this persons story

you’d think i’d learn to fucking look at OP’s url by now 

At the risk of loosing some mystery, I think I should add some context:

There’s this website-I mean, scientific organization called the Holotypic Occlupanid Reasurch Group.

They are a group of abiologists who study and classify Bread clips.

I found a species that has not yet been described:

Yay for citizen science 👍

wtf?

Update:

Apparently HORG is widely appreciated by pediatricians since knowing exactly what kind of Occlupanid a child may have swallowed makes removing it safely much easier

HOLY SHIT HORG IS BACK ON MY DASH!!! Also I’m so glad that they help pediatricians, that’s very nice.

I want to know all about this, and also what kingdom of taxonomy Occlupanids are in. Also I just got the meaning of Occlupanid.

occlu–to close 
pan–bread
Occlupanid = a specimen of “bread-closers” 

EDIT: I am now reading their website, and:

Class Occlupanida (Occlu=to close, pan= bread) are placed under the Kingdom Microsynthera, of the Phylum Plasticae. Occlupanids share phylum Plasticae with “45” record holders, plastic juice caps, and other often ignored small plastic objects.

microsynthera would be small manmade items. this implies a kingdom macrosynthera, of larger manmade items. i want to see a full taxonomic tree. Also, I want to say that the difference between macro and micro is whether it’s bigger or smaller than a breadbox, but based on the above, small soda bottles would be macro, so probably not, sadly.

I… may have sent HORG an email.

I am fucking loving this

jerrod how long did it take you to photoshop all that bread

Did it the lazy easy way: 

It may be less than stellar, but I have a strict personal rule: “don’t put longer than 30 minutes’ effort into a fetish joke”. The second you hit 30:01, the exposure becomes lethal and the fetish becomes unironic.

FETISH?????????

god i wish i were you

Whitch part is the fetish? Bread or Pokémon?

I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but it’s the bread

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE BREAD