When reading things about online child predators and CP it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it,
I was a victim, or subject rather, of CP between the ages of 6 and 13. And I’ve never dissociated myself so drastically from something that happened to me as hard as I have from those years of my life. Whenever I think back to what they did to me, what I was manipulated into doing, I can hardly conceptualize it as something that happened to me. It dawns on me from time to time that there’s very likely footage of me on the dark web being abused. It’s just so bizarre to me how completely unconnected I’ve become from those years of my life. I might as well have been in a coma between the ages of 6 and 13 because I cant firsthand remember experiencing any of it, unless it comes to me in a dream or if something triggers it and.. fuck. It’s just so weird and scary to me that I just.., forced myself to forget what they did to me and that whenever I do have flashbacks, it’s like experiencing it through a TV