“I just can’t read you sometimes,” Eggsy blurted out.

Harry blinked once.  Twice.  “I was just planning on enjoying some breakfast.”

“No, I can fuckin’ see that, I’m not a complete idiot, I meant more…”  He gestured to Harry’s posture again.  “Look, we’ve been together awhile now and I can’t even fuckin tell when you’re relaxed.  Or happy.  It’s driving me insane.”

Harry frowned.  “I-”

“-No, no, no, don’t give me that look, now I feel fuckin’ bad for sayin’ anything.  Forget it,” said Eggsy as he leaned back into his chair with crossed arms.

Harry gave a single nod.  “If that’s what you would like-”

“-You’re just so fuckin’ composed all the time,” Eggsy said suddenly.  “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty hot in some situations but fuck me, you’re so composed that it borders on fuckin’ disinterested while I just follow you about like a lost puppy and if you’ve lost interest, that’s fine, I just think we should quit while we’re ahead.”

An uncomfortable silence loomed over the pair.  Harry was clearly taken aback and Eggsy wished he knew how to keep his stupid mouth shut.  

Harry cleared his throat.  “Eggsy, look at me.”

“If you’re gonna dump me, I’d rather we both stared at the fuckin’ floor,” replied Eggsy with a mumble.  

“Eggsy,” Harry tried again, “I’m not ‘dumping’ you.  Please look at me?”

The younger man did and much to his chagrin, Harry looked as composed as ever.  He groaned.  “Way to prove my fuckin’ point, Haz.”

“I’m not sure where you’ve gotten this idea from, but I can confirm that it is entirely unfounded,” said Harry.  “I’m hardly ever composed around you.”

Eggsy snorted.  “Not bloody likely.”

Harry reached across the table to squeeze his hand reassuringly.  “Have you ever considered that my allegedly ‘composed’ appearance is due to the fact that I’m embarrassingly incapable of functioning when you’re near?”

Eggsy hadn’t considered that at all.

But now that he thought about it, he could feel Harry’s pulse against his fingertips.

It was beating much too fast.

THE REASON MERLIN WEARS THOSE “SOFTER” GLASSES AND JUMPERS AND SUCH IS THAT HE USED TO WEAR THE REGULAR KINGSMAN ISSUE GLASSES AND BESPOKE SUIT BUT NEW RECRUITS KEPT THINKING HE WAS A SUPER VILLAIN OR DOUBLE AGENT BASED ON HIS APPEARANCE.

HE LOOKED TOO NEFARIOUS.

SO PEOPLE DIDN’T TRUST HIM.

AND EVENTUALLY ARTHUR WAS LIKE- “OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. MERLIN. YOU NEED TO WEAR SOMETHING TO MAKE THE RECRUITS LESS AFRAID OF YOU.”

TO WHICH MERLIN REPLIED: ARE YOU GIVING ME PERMISSION TO DRESS DOWN IN THE OFFICE

AND HENCE- SOFT AND CUDDLY JUMPERS AND ROUND FRAMES TO MAKE HIM LOOK MORE INNOCENT.

Hartwin AU I desperately need:

Modern setting. Eggsy is a prince that is constantly sneaking out and getting into trouble and being rebellious in general. Harry is his exasperated bodyguard (still titled a Kingsman) that has to follow Eggsy around at all hours.

Eggsy sneaks out one night and goes to a club only to have Harry stomp in and drag him out. The whole time Eggsy is giggling and a little bit drunk and how can Harry stay mad at him when Eggsy’s looking at him like that?

Eggsy tries to get into a fight with some chavs that don’t like how nicely he’s dressed and before he can throw the first punch, Harry’s there literally carrying him away with “Please, Eggsy, stop trying to fight people that are taller than you.”

Eggsy partaking in free running around the palace and “Really, Eggsy? Get off the bloody roof before you fall!”

Eggsy getting caught with pot and he thinks he’s going to get a tongue lashing from Harry, only to have the other man sigh and plop down on the couch next to him because at least he’s not out embarrassing himself in public.

Eggsy going for a swim and “Eggsy, that is a decorative pool get out of it right now or so help me-” and Eggsy pulls himself out and he’s laughing and his shirt is clinging to his chest and Harry swallows and can’t quite bring himself to avert his eyes.

Eggsy realizing that he could sweet talk Harry into doing almost anything and using that to talk Harry into letting him sneak out for a while “Only if you don’t go alone, Eggsy-” “Yeah, you can come too.”

Harry and Eggsy sneaking out to a club together and getting drunk. They sneak back into the palace later and Eggsy ends up sharing the bed with Harry.

Harry and Eggsy sharing a bed becomes an every night thing and Harry jokingly insists that its the only way he can constantly keep an eye on the prince.