27. Astrophysicist, writer, artist. Michigan. Business inquiries: kaijunobiz@gmail.com
I found one of my old suicide notes in my desk today and it has instructions and stuff on what to do with my ashes and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve been rereading over and over and I think the best thing to probably do would be to burn it
Getting this as a tattoo because my mommy wanted me to have one 🥺🥺🥺
I also wanna get the quote "peace will win, fear will lose" tattooed on me at some point
I also just want to have sleeves to cover my self harm scars from years ago
YES I know peace will win and fear will lose is from a 21p song but as someone whose tried to kill themselves twice in car accidents I think I’m allowed to be emotional about Car Radio
I just wanna put a bullet in my brain
When I first got switched to the meds I’m on now it would give me horrible morning sickness and people at work were convinced I was pregnant to the point where I got called into the office by a concerned HR because I was lifting +50lbs with “the baby”
They also thought it was the reason for my most recent suicide attempt because, yknow, how the timelines matched up
I got Linkin Park’s album One More Light on vinyl for Christmas and I may or may not be sobbing like a big fucking baby listening to it right now and fuck okay.
One More Light is a farewell album. Whether they realized it at the time or not. It’s written like one, the lyric book is written like one, it’s sang like one.
Their sound here is just fundamentally older and wiser. It’s weary and tired. It sounds like the last rays of sunlight just before the sun sets on the last day of summer. It’s looking back at all the good times you had one last time before closing the door and moving on. It’s letting go and finding forgiveness.
I’m almost definitely reading too much into this but I’m a sad and tired 2000s emo kid who aged the same way their music did over the years. Through anger and angst and grief. And this album felt like finding peace. This album felt like finally finding peace after years of pain and angst. This album felt like goodbye.
I cannot listen to this song anymore with out crying like a huge fucking baby because of Chester’s singing
It’s weird the levels of gore I can handle like I took criminology and forensics classes in highschool and there is no amount of human roadkill, suicide by shotgun, badly decomposed bodies, horrific bodily injuries, etc. that will phase me but the second I see some dude break his leg playing baseball on tv I gotta leave the mf room that shit grosses me out
Anonymous asked:
Have you been keeping up with the ryan haywood situation? I hope the bastard rots
kaijuno answered:
I see he posted a longer statement on twitter yesterday
He's still messaging, harassing and trying to manipulate his victims. He's threatened suicide to at least two of the 13 women who've come forward (it might be more)
jesus christ
y'know years ago he used to be my fave ah member and then all this shit starts coming out and he was sooo not the guy he portrayed himself as
Anonymous asked:
For real I HATE those posts that are like “every note this post gets I’ll stay alive for 1 minute longer” it’s so fucking manipulative and guilt trippy. Oh but of course YOU’RE the asshole if you say something about it. It’s manipulative and gross.
I just report them for threatening suicide at which point tumblr will spam their email with like suicide hotlines and stuff. Like not to sound heartless but I’ve been there and done that and notes aren’t gonna do shit for you if you’re already in that state of mind to kill yourself. Don’t put your suicide in the hands of random strangers on the internet and actually get help.
not to be like a decade late to a topic but people were literally feeling suicidal after the movie avatar came out (the blue ppl one)????? Because they were never gonna like, what? go to pandora?? Get to fuck the aliens??? like was that a real thing?
Anonymous asked:
When I was 13 my father found out I was suicidal and brought me to a psychologist who specializes in meds (I was already going to a therapist) and he said that 1) he wouldn't medicate me till I was in the RED (lots of doctors have told me that isn't the way to do it now) and 2) I wasn't "that bad" because I was able to get up in the mornings and go to school. I ended up getting hospitalized a year later.
Being dismissed about your mental health is so infuriating I s2g
Depending on when that all happened I know doctors used to be really nervous about prescribing certain mental health drugs to teens but over time thankfully research and medications have gotten better
Anonymous asked:
lmao dog i go to gosford high school in australia. there's a death rate of 1.2 students per year bc during hsc/exam season someone always inevitably kicks it (usually by choice if you catch my meaning). like in the first few months of 2018, a girl was murdered by her dad, a yr 11 kid hung himself, and a teacher had a heart attack . we love selective schools
in my hs there was 1 gang related murder, 1 suicide, 1 drowning, and 1 asthma attack death
Anonymous asked:
Spacemom, do you ever feel so bad for yourself because you've changed so much it's incredibly awful. I don't feel, at barest minimum, like the person that I used to be just about one year ago. And I feel enormeous pain by the slightest string of memory, usually triggered by old things what I used to create or hearing old recordings of my voice, it's so unbearable. I'm in my teenager years and depression has taken so much away from me. (I used to have suicidal ideations but I could retain them)
at this point, even having to complete a task as simple as cleaning my room has become difficult. Its order, as specific (and irrelevant as might seem) now holds me attached emotionally. I just, really miss myself. I don’t like anything about the person that I am now and it’s hard to believe I’ll ever get better than that; having achieved like, conventionally great stuff (I’m still in hs). I don’t know if all of this makes much sense. But do you think there’s any chance I might get better?
Look I’m not a therapist. I’m not equipped to give you advice on what to do. But I’ve been in your shoes and getting therapy and getting medicated was the best choice for me and it’s a long road once you do make that decision but you have to make that decision for yourself. You’re still so young. You’re still a kid. Of course you can get better but you have to choose to fight for it
[gore and suicide tw] Okay so I took criminology and forensics classes in high school which meant I saw some pretty nasty crime scene photos and amongst them were a few cases of suicide by shotgun.
My parents and I were watching this dumb horror movie idk what it was called I just watched for a few minutes and they showed a scene where someone committed suicide via shotgun and I commented “oh I hate when the eyes stay in and open” and my parents just looked at me like I was a serial killer
If I had to break down and simplify all of the advice I have ever given to anyone, it would be “this too shall pass”. It’s the one thing that kept me going when I wanted to kill myself. I don’t know why. It’s just a phrase that has been stuck in my head for years. I don’t remember when I first heard it but I do remember the first time I listened to it. It kept me alive, not always fighting but sometimes just existing passively though emotional turmoil. This too shall pass. It’s okay to just let things be sometimes. It’s okay to rest and not constantly fight your own mental illnesses or real world hardships. It’s okay if things suck sometimes. This too shall pass.
This too shall pass.
